Thursday, December 21, 2006
Sure, it was kinda icky for Britney to be flashing her hoo-ha to the paparrazzi while getting out of a car. Yeah, not the best choice of times to be wearing a miniskirt. But stuff like that happens sometimes. They're called "bad errors in judgement." But who knows what her deal was? Maybe she was having an allergic reaction and had to ditch her panties or suffer scratching herself the entire night. Moreover, WHO CARES?
What, just because she's not donning a thong, she should be shoved back into the kitchen, barefoot and baby-laden, so we don't have to look at her not-so-hot bod anymore? Would it make you all feel better if she laced a shoestring around her hairy mons?
On the topic of thongs: WTF? I own one pair, and I've never worn them. Having my ass crack flossed all day is not what I consider comfy. I mean, what if you don't wipe properly? (Eeeewwww.) Of course, I know plenty of people who claim it's much more comfortable than a regular pair, and I'm not dissing them. But honestly, once you've exceeded minimum hot-box-area coverage, what's the point?
In my burgeoning adolescence, I asked a friend why bother with a g-string, and she said "to make it look like you're not wearing underwear."
AH-HA!!! So society expects us to LOOK like sex objects, but not actually BE sex objects. ("Oh, sorry, you're not beautiful enough, I can see your underwear lines beneath your slacks and that just means one more piece of clothing I will have to mentally undress you from.")
Dudes, really. Maybe it looks like I'm not wearing underwear. But you know I probably am. Deal with it. And if I'm not, deal with it.
(Another comment I've read said thongs are good so they don't stick out above your pants like granny panties. If that's the case, there are lots of different styles of underwear cut lower than your granma's...and maybe your pants are too low...or don't fit right....)
Ask around: many doctors recommend not wearing underwear when you can help it--at bedtime is the usual recommendation. Going commando allows the vagina to breathe, and doesn't trap sweat and nasty oogies that could stimulate yeast infections and other vaginal or urinary tract infections. Now, whether you want to go it solo while wearing a chafing pair of hip-hugger jeans is entirely your choice...
Another problem that could arise is the development of cysts in the crook of your crotch, where the leg meets your body. Admit it, ladies, you were loath to go from a pair of small panties to a medium, the same way you absolutely insisted that you were, in fact, still a size 4. Well, some people don't get the fact that a) we grow and b) gravity is a treacherous mistress. Having a bigger caboose on your train means bigger clothes that, thanks to the insane beauty and fashion standards imposed by the media and the fashion industry, we are completely unwilling to buy. But before I go spinning off into a rant about body image, let me get back to the vagina.
Dear Everyone who is looking:
IT'S A VAGINA.
Your mother has one. So does your grandmother, aunt, sister, and very likely, your kindergarten teacher.
DEAL WITH IT.
For that matter, the same goes with nipples.
Now leave these dirty, dirty celebrities alone so they can go nurse their babies and make casseroles for the church picnic.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
ST. PAUL, Minn. (AP) -- Teen girls who frequently weighed themselves were more likely than others to resort to unhealthy dieting measures...a study of Minnesota students found.
"The act of getting on the scale, weighing yourself every day, can lead to an unhealthy weight preoccupation," said lead researcher Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, a professor at the university's School of Public Health. "And teenage girls who are concerned about their weight are at great risk for unhealthy weight control behaviours."
Neumark-Sztainer said the results probably reflect the girls' underlying concern with weight, but even when they adjusted the results for body satisfaction, they still showed a link between frequent weighing and bad eating behaviour.
Okay, now, I'm not an intelligent girl, but isn't that kind of an obvious chicken/egg conclusion about body image issues?
All I can think is, I wanna be the guy who asks for the grant to do this study. By the way, is there a cure for cancer yet?
Thursday, November 30, 2006
Today, as I sat here editing a book about a single mother taking care of her infant son, I had one of those HOLYFUCKINGCHRISTI'MGOINGTOBEANAUNTSOON moments, envisioning my weekends with this miniature human--or Koh the Face Stealer, as we like to call him/her--toddling around the park, trying to keep him/her from eating dog poo while I simultaneously tote around a stroller full of baby crap.
The realization just slugged me in the gut from nowhere: I'm going to be drafted into babysitting service...
Pray for your children. Pray hard.
Tuesday, November 21, 2006
Warning: do not drink anything while watching this clip. It will assuredly come spouting out your nose.
Monday, November 13, 2006
...And then later, at home while washing dishes: "....Frying Pan Kwong....Fork Kwong....Wooden Spoon Kwong....Grill-O-Matic Kwong...."
While I will still insist on calling the child Koh the Face Stealer regardless of its gender, the parents have decided they need something a little more orthodox so that teachers don't have a hard time during attendance-taking in the morning.
Among the names suggested by my younger sister's acquaintances:
Girl: Aphrodite, Elizabeth, Kiwi, Kayla, Katelin/Katelyn
Boy: Orion/Rion (or backwards Noir), Stanley, King, Donkey, Cane/Caine/Kain/whatever spelling, Clark, Kael
I might draw your attention to the sibling favourite of the moment: Kiwi. Cute as it is, the name evokes Mommy Kwong's (aka the Incubator's) penchant for biting into things; or of thoughts of an ugly, flightless bird.
To this, I responded that, should we go with naming "the Parasite" [(Copyright) Carly Foster] after fruit, we chould consider the following:
Durian Kwong: Sure, he stinks to high heaven, but he'll grow on you. Durian, King of the Fruits, is an acquired taste and beloved by people of Southeast Asia...like us!
Kumquat Kwong: Adorable little cirtus fruits that grow well at home and are great as preserves. Plus, there's some awesome alliteration going on there.
Rambutan Kwong: Queen of the Fruits! How many boys can claim THAT title?
Mango Kwong: Because to want Mango is not to have Mango.
Saturday, November 11, 2006
I'd forgotten just how creepy some of these characters are. Frankenberry is the pink, doped-up version of Mary Shelley's monster. And, apparently, Dr. Frankenberry accidentally used an bum for the thing's noggin. He looks like part monkey, part retard, and part ass.
And what the hell is that thing coming out of the side of that awful fuschia glute melon? The traditional bolts have been replaced by...
...Is...is that a steam whistle?
Never mind that this cereal will probably eat your guts alive ten ways from Sunday. The image on the box probably drove all the sugar-bomb loving-kids away. Or possibly made them teh gay.
Or teh doped-up retard steam-powered monkey-bot...who is also teh gay.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
Name: Joe Eigo, (aspiring) professional stuntman
Born: Aurora, Ontario
Resides in: Toronto
Mad L33T Skillz: bending the laws of gravity, defying physics, making us all look fat and lazy. And doing it all on my crappy old campus at Ryerson, no less.
Go watch the video.
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Ferreting a small Italian plumber from level to excruciatingly strange level of bizarre enemies, nonsensical architecture, and a plot that's enough to make most feminists explode on the spot, all I could think to myself was, "Gods, I paid (or my dad paid) $90 to buy Mario 3 when it first came out on the original Super Nintendo! How the hell does that even make sense???"
Weird things that are only striking me now about this game:
1) What is with the mushrooms? I know it's the Mushroom Kingdom, but can you say WEIRD overkill? We have goombas, the angry-eyed sidewalkers who, for whatever reason, will hurt you (kill you) if they haphazardly sidle into you. ("Look out! He's slowly...walking...toward you...!")
Then there's Toad, the anthropomorphic mushroom people (and character of the same name) who, throughout Mario 3, shows up in various forms to help you. You can enter their Mushroom houses (is that some form of cannibalism? What do you call turning people into housing?), where they'll give you trinkets to help you on your way; or else they'll open a gambling house where you can play memory for Fire flowers or leaves or what-have-you. So, Toad, when are you going to start a Texas Hold 'Em table in that magically appearing speak-easy of yours?
Then of course there's Mario's Super mushrooms, the magic fungus that appears after the wanton destruction of public property and increases your size by 200%. I mean, really, Lewis Carroll did it first in Alice in Wonderland, but isn't this just encouraging kids to stuff unidentifiable plants into their mouths? Especially considering that the Super Mushroom looks so much like the Amanita muscaria mushroom, a poisonous and hallucinogenic 'shroom.
2) Castle/Flying Ship Levels: Worst. Defense System. Ever. These boss-level flying ships feature a host of automatically firing cannons lobbing slow-moving projectiles at you that you can disable by jumping on them. What a waste of slow-moving ammo.
3) Defying the laws of physics...and logic: So, I can stop a giant bullet fired out of a cannon, but I can't do the same with a hammer thrown by a Hammer Brother? And what's with shooting fireballs in the water? And the haphazard placement of bricks? And the generally very inhospitable climes of the Mushroom Kingdom in general? I mean, Giant World? Who the hell wants to live there (I mean, apart from giants)?
Not that any of this weirdness detracts from the gameplay, of course. But looking back now, all I can think of is, damn, it's amazing my generation survived after this game with our sanity intact...mostly....
Tuesday, October 17, 2006
Think Singer's X-Men flicks, but as a global TV series with a huge, overarching plotline guaranteed to snag you with the first episode. And some of it's written by former X-Men and DC Universe writer Jeph Loeb, no less.
Watch it. It's amazing.
Friday, October 06, 2006
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Here, I bring you some of the titles you simply must read because, hell, the premises are great (read: hilarious), they're actually well-written (read: not crap), and they'll tickle your fancy (read: make you horny...or turn you off sex forever).
The Pleasure Chest by Jule McBride (Harlequin Blaze):
A 19th-century Irish pirate/artist mysteriously and magically comes back to life through a painting heroine Tanya Taylor acquires. Why's it called0 The Pleasure Chest? Because of the...erm...toys she keeps locked up in a chest at the foot of her bed. I tell's ya folks, this is my marker for greatness at this company. And I get paid to read this stuff! I LOVE IT!
Dressed to Slay by Harper Allen (Silhouette Bombshell):
It's Buffy meets Charmed meets Underworld meets Blade meets...um...some chick flick with lots of shopping and name brands. Seriously, when I was reading this, I couldn't stop groaning, and I don't mean the sexy kind of groaning. And yet, by the time I got to the second book in this trilogy, Vampaholic, I was hooked, mainly because of the over-the-top ditzy dialogue courtesy of the series' three fabulous kitten-heel-clad heroines. Worth a borrow from your local public library.
Where We Were Born by Margot Early (Harlequin Superromance):
Admittedly, this story is more like the traditional cheesy romance novel we're accustomed to hearing about, but I actually really enjoyed this one because of the family issues it was dealing with. Basically, chick who runs a dating guidance service opens a location in Alaska, her old stomping grounds...meets up with an old fling...hilarity ensues. But what made this one worthwhile was the stories of her experiences growing up on the trapline in the Alaskan boonies, and her broken relationship with her estranged man-of-the-land father. Easy read, great for the bus, and it isn't Joseph Heller or anything.
More titles to come! Buy these now at your local bookstore/Shoppers Drug Mart!
Wednesday, September 27, 2006
I needed to cheer myself up, so I bought you something.
Guess what came in the mail on Monday?
Have I mentioned how much I love Ava-...I mean, John? 8 )
Now I can watch the first season in all its pristine, colour-enhanced glory...
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Back the truck up. Yes, I have an internal, imaginary psychologist. Why not a real one? Because Dr. Katz is biased and guaranteed to really understand what I'm talking about. Plus, it's cheaper than real therapy. Mind you, I'm not the only one who has internal dialogues, I guarantee you that; I know plenty of writers (fanficers) who write comments and reviews to me in dialogue format, and I've caught plenty of people talking to themselves...but I digress.
Today, my boyfriend made me banana cake/bread. I was trying to puzzle out why: what his ulterior motive was, why he insisted on baking this wonderfully orgasmic cake from scratch. I asked Dr. Katz while I was in the shower, feeling the cake/break roll around my happy belly, and instead of nodding and hmming like he normally does, he turned on my internal TV and suggested I ask the cast of Grey's Anatomy.
See, since I bought John the first and second seasons of this awesome show, I've gotten hooked, watching two or three episodes a night to catch up to the newest season. Smart, funny writing and deep, flawed characters that have great chemistry have made the Seattle Grace Hospital my new haven of happiness/angsty anguish.
So, as they were making the rounds in my cerebellum, I tagged along and pestered them about this cake in Meredith's (the show's flake and main character) flighty fashion. And they answered back:
Christina: He made you cake?
Izzy: That's so sweet. What kind?
Izzy: You mean banana bread?
Me: ...No, it was definitely cake-like.
Christina: He. Made you cake.
George: Who's got cake now?
Alex: Can I have some?
Izzy: John made Vicki banana bread.
Me: Banana cake.
Alex: What did he do?
Alex: Guys don't do nice things like that unless they've done something wrong. You know, shrunk your favourite sweater, lost your car keys, snuck a peek at your diary, slept with your best friend...
Izzy: You speak from experience, obviously.
George: Not all guys who cook for their girlfriends have done something wrong, Alex.
Alex: (snarl) Because playing Iron Chef O'Malley has really worked for you.
Christina: He probably wants something. Like sex.
Christina: He's going to drop a bomb on you. Just watch, he'll offer you a slice of cake...
Christina: ...and pull out the whips and chains and a car battery with alligator clips.
Me: He just made me cake.
Me: Dammit Izzy, it's cake! Here, try some.
Alex: Fork some over, porky.
Izzy: (munching) Hmm... definitely moist and fluffy...
Me: He used a hand blender.
Christina: ...but dense and...substantial. Massive even.
Alex: It's good.
George: Like my mom's banana cake.
Me: You can't make sandwiches out of it! It's not bread!
Bailey: What the hell are you fools doin' out here?
Christina: John made Vicki banana cake. Bread. Whatever.
George: We're trying to figure out why.
Bailey: ...Who the hell is this?
Me: Uh...I'm Vicki?
Bailey: You're not one of my interns.
Me: Um. No ma'am. I'm just an intruder in my own imaginings.
Bailey: ...Get out of my hospital.
Me: Yes, ma'am.
Bailey: And give me that cake! ...Damn bunch of idiots...
So I went away and still have no idea why I have this fabulous hunk of banana bread and an even more fabulous hunk of man to serve it to me slathered with butter. Dr. Katz is also at a silent loss. Any ideas out there, or are you all inching away from me with weird looks?
Apparently, they read my blog regularly and since visiting them at ye olde Post, have been complaining I don't post enough. In fact, I've recently been getting a lot mail and stuff that asks me when I'm going to write the next installment of this, or finish a posting on that (all requests from fanfiction readers).
Guys...don't take this the wrong way, but I've got Shit. To. Do. You know, that thing called living? Doing laundry, making dinner, grocery shopping... and trust me, I do just enough of that to ensure I'm not living like a hobo. The rest of the time, I'm working on one piece of writing or another. Really. Seriously. I swear, I'll try to do my best to post more regularly, but since my life is so engrossed with writing and living (and catching up on episodes of Grey's Anatomy), it's kinda hard to have anything to say.
But for now, I suppose I'll have to leave you with a thought for the day:
If you get bad luck when a black cat crosses your path, what happens to the cat when you cross its path?
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Monday, September 11, 2006
1609 Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan island
1773 Benjamin Franklin writes "There never was a good war or bad peace."
1789 Alexander Hamilton appointed Secretary of the Treasury ("It's all about the Hamiltons, baby.")
1814 Battle of Lake Champlain, NY; Americans defeat British
1853 1st electric telegraph in use, Merchant's Exchange to Pt Lobos
1875 1st newspaper cartoon strip
1910 1st commercially successful electric bus line opens (Hollywood)
1918 Boston Red Sox beat Chicago Cubs, 4 games to 2 in 15th World Series
1919 US marines invade Honduras
1922 British mandate of Palestine begins
1923 The ZR-1 (biggest active dirigible) flies over NY's tallest skyscraper, the Woolworth Tower
1926 Aloha Tower dedicated in Honolulu
1927 Babe Ruth hits 50th of 60 homers
1928 1st TV drama-WGY's The Queens Messenger
1936 FDR dedicates Boulder Dam, now known as Hoover Dam
1941 Charles Lindbergh, charges "the British, the Jewish & the Roosevelt administration" are trying to get the US into WW II
1941 FDR orders any Axis ship found in American waters be shot on sight
1946 1st mobile long-distance car-to-car telephone conversation
1950 1st typesetting machine to dispense with metal type exhibited
1950 Dick Tracy TV show sparks uproar concerning violence
1954 1st Miss America TV broadcast
1961 Bob Dylan's 1st NY performance
1965 Beatles' "Help!," album goes #1 & stays #1 for 9 weeks
1966 Johnny Miller became the 1st Yank to hit a HR on his 1st at bat
1967 US Surveyor 5 makes 1st chemical analysis of lunar material
1973 Chile's President, Salvador Allende, deposed in a military coup
1977 TV's Rhoda gets divorced
1985 Pete Rose of the Cin Reds gets career hit 4,192 off Eric Show of San Diego Padres, eclipsing Ty Cobb's record
1986 Dow Jones Industrial Avg suffered biggest 1-day decline ever, plummeting 86.61 points to 1,792.89. 237.57 million shares traded
1991 "La Toya: Growing Up in the Jackson Family" goes on sale
1991 14 die in a Continental Express commuter plane crash near Houston
Sunday, September 10, 2006
She's home and doing okay now, except for the holes in her stomach from the surgery. It's made me really appreciate my good to fair health status, for the most part, and has made me really think about how health problems can arise at any time.
Of course, the other thing about this hospital stay is that it means I'm doomed: Fiona and Jenny have both had short-term stays with severe problems. It's just a matter of time before I'm next.
And as I write this post, I realize it's been ages since I posted anything, and I swear stuff really does happen to me, I just don't bother to expound upon it. I promise, more posts soon.
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Monday, July 31, 2006
My friend Alex (right), with the Master, who was apparently strolling around Artist's Alley at San Diego Comicon incognito. Apparently, the Master doesn't do the convention circuit - too many fanboys. I wonder how he feels about fangirls?
The jig is up, Joss. We know you go to Comicon. Now to weed you out of the thousands of other geeks at Nerd Mecca...
If he really wanted to confuse people and go in disguise, he should wear one of these.
I am so going next year.
It was bound to happen sooner or later - I've been keeping my mouth shut for about a month now, but the cat's out of the bag, so I can post here.
Dunno what to feel exactly, except that I have plans for this niece/nephew of mine. To start with, I will be calling him/her Koh, The Face Stealer. If I have to register him/her for kindergarten, the teacher will assuredly be calling out, "Koh The Face Stealer Kwong", and he/she will have no choice but to respond "Present!"
As the parasite (thanks Carly, I'll never be able to call a baby anything else) grows and develops, I'll happily get to point and laugh at my sister whose belly will soon rival my own rotund and unimpregnated one (unless you count gas and fat as pregnancy; in which case, call me St. Vicki of the Perpetually Pregnant, Fat and Gassy.)
I suppose I am excited for the day a little Kwong is crawling around the house. Or lying around and being fed. Or something. As long as I don't have to deal with poop, pee, or snot, I'm happy. (Me + holding babies = accidents and bad).
Yeah. So Fiona's preggers. Way to get knocked up, sis!
Thursday, July 20, 2006
My mom once said something that I've never really understood, but it's only really hit me now. She said you know the economy is bad when all you ever get is small bills and change. If that's true, what does it mean when all you get from the ATMs are $20 bills and no one has change and won't let you buy Tic Tacs?
All I know is the economy of my breath reeks...
Yes, that's right. Scary graphs.
I don't want to bore you with what went into creating this fascinating and life-changing documentary: that's for Dymaxion World to do. Suffice to say that if you really want a film that will make you think about what you do on a day-to-day basis, make you see how simply walking instead of driving will help you save the world, and why you should, then you should see this flick.
Roger Ebert had a great quote for it. He says:
In 39 years, I have never written these words in a movie review, but here they are: You owe it to yourself to see this film. If you do not, and you have grandchildren, you should explain to them why you decided not to.Now go see it.
Sunday, July 16, 2006
First off, I wasn't a big fan of the first flick. I thought it was a little over-produced, too long, and could have been edited down. It was still an awesome flick mind you because, hell, Johnny Depp and Orlando Bloom as pirates! Arr, I covet their booty...
But I digress. The second film is equally as long, the plot just as contrived, and the film needed some edits around the edges, but it was still lots of fun, with great Deppravity on Captain Jack Sparrow's part, plus lots of gags brought back from the first film. Fun fun fun.
Davy Jones' performance is perfect. Even under two tonnes of makeup, Bill Nighy portrays the tormented octopus-faced Davy Jones wonderfully. His salty seafaring crew, made up of the catch of the day, is equally grotesque, and way cooler to look at than Barbossa's crew of the undead.
Overall, the movie builds wonderfully on the existing story, and will be interesting to see as a trilogy.
Er, can't think of what else to say about the flick, but it was worth the price of matinee admission.
Monday, July 03, 2006
Went to see Superman Returns today. I wasn't too keen on a "new" Superman, what with all the different incarnations out there. To see someone other than Christopher Reeve on the big screen in the red and blue tights... well, it seemed wrong somehow.
Mixed reviews didn't propel me into opening night showings either. But, being a superhero blockbuster film, I decided I just had to see it on the silver screen, as it was meant ot be shown. Fortunately, going in with low expectations, I wasn't too disappointed. In fact, I was pleasantly surprised by the nostalgia I didn't realize I could feel for this particular series.
I was a bit too young to remember the first few Superman films, but as soon as the opening credits came on, I was all "Woo hoo!" and getting prickly goosebumpies all over. (I blame John Williams).
This flick does an admirable job of bring Big Blue back to the screen, picking up from where it left off after the Christopher Reeve flicks. It is well-casted, the effects are eye-popping, and I can't help but do a little sitting bum dance in my chair anytime Superman goes flying to the rescue to the loudly blaring theme song. PVP's Scott Kurtz aptly portrays the feeling here.
Where the film is really lacking is in the dialogue, and specifically in Lex Luthor's evil plot. Don't get me wrong: there are some great moments and a few inside-joke-type exchanges, but overall, it just wasn't dense enough to detail any of the reasons why things happened. Compared to director Bryan Singer's X-Men, which does a phenomenal job of explaining the whole mutant universe, Superman Returns left an empty feeling in me, both emotionally and logically. Of course, that only means there's room for sequels.
The other problem with the movie comes from an overall problem I've always had with Superman: Lex Luthor sucks.
Lex has never been my favourite villain. It's hard to make him into an appropriate nemesis for the Man of Steel because he's a very complex character, one who can't be explained away in one film, or even five films. Few portrayals have him as someone you can sympathize with: he is almost always the billionaire genius businessman megolamaniac with designs on world domination, and has no appropriate character foils that we can appreciate. I can name two good Lexes, though: The Justice League animated series (WB), which sees Lex "reform" after a near-death illness, and who seems to genuinely have the world's interests at heart*; and in Red Son, an alternative universe series where the infant Supe lands in the former Soviet Union, where Lex ends up as the hero of the piece.
*An oversimplification. I'd have to explain six seasons of the show in order to to Lex any justice.
No such luck with Superman Returns. Sadly, Spacey's portrayal of the bald billionaire genius is somewhat lackluster, if only because Lex himself wasn't written terribly well. His evil plot is just... weird. He's on the more mad side of genius, his plan neither vengeful or entrepeneuring or logical or profitable. Dude's been snorting kryptonite, or something.
Despite its flaws, Superman Returns was fun, and worth the afternoon matinee; from here, we can only hope that future Superman flicks will present us with more interesting villains and challenges for the Man of Steel.
Monday, May 29, 2006
Why not get a taxi cab, you ask? Well, if I did that, the terrorists would win. That, and apparently they drivers are price gouging. I heard a story of 3 guys all going to Richmond Hill and the driver demanded $25 for each rider to go to Yonge and Finch from Yonge and Davisville (a trip that shouldn't cost more than maybe $30 total, depending on the traffic).
Ironically enough, it's the kick-off to Bike Week. More ironic: smog alerts pin today's air quality at close to poor (index of 50): that's bad.
The funniest thing: it's Monday. Everyone's going to work, presumably somewhere they don't want to be, and they're going to get there extra cranky after a long walk, an over-priced cab ride, or a traffic. Worse yet: everyone's going to come into work late and smelly.
I say, why gripe? It's a perfect opportunity to extend your weekend. Call in sick! Take the day off! Call in transit striken! Sure, I'm disappointed about not going to work because for once in my life I really, really like what I do and I'm not paid for sick days being on contract, but there's a point where it's just stupid to try to make it out to the middle of nowhere and then try to make it back without wanting to kill everyone.
See, it's all part of the Stress Less plan. Everyone needs to Calm. Down. Can't get it done today? Then finish it tomorrow. As long as you've done your best, that's all you can be expected to do. If anyone expects more, then either 1) you're in the wrong job, or 2) their expectations are
ridiculous. If 1), then all you need to do is find some other avenue of work. That's all there is to it. See, two months of being unemployed has really helped give me perspective...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Friday, May 12, 2006
I ended up with something much, much better...
Meet my new baby: we call him Sammy. We got him a little brother too: Sammy Davis Jr. (HDTV DVD player.)
This is way better than an engagement ring. Right now, John and I are squeeing with delight at the sheer detail we can see as we go through our entire DVD collection. So far, we've gone through bits of T2, the Two Towers, Babylon 5, Teen Titans, Minority Report, and Saving Private Ryan... and we both agree: pores on 32" LCD screens are not a pretty thing, even from 7 feet away.
Me so happy.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Tuesday, May 09, 2006
Sure, it might be a little outdated, but I stick to it because there have been enough times when someone will write me a letter signed "Chris" or "Pat" or "Vidya" and I'll have no idea if it's a girl or a boy I'm talking to. "Vicki" is pretty standard as a girl's name, but you never know.
In any case, this is the response I got:
Just so you know, no one here in Canada uses Miss, Ms, Mrs. Or Mr. unless
they are like in their 60's+ & they are extremely old fashioned or one is
filling out an formal application.
In fact I find it degrading for someone to use that in this day & age b/c it
makes me feel they think they are better than me.
All I could think to myself is "WTF?!"
SHE finds it offensive that I refer to myself as "Miss"? How insecure do you have to be to concern yourself with the way someone else refers to themselves and how it relates to you? I don't even know her last name, but do I find it offensive that she, as a potential employer, won't let me know who she is? Not particularly, since I don't intend to work for her anyhow.
I know you could make the feminist argument that any form of address could be degrading and that it would slot you in as being Miss (single and up-for-grabs), Ms. (divorced, feminist, or otherwise), Mrs. (married hoursewife), or Dr. (professional spinster), but it wasn't like I was calling her "Ms. No-Last-Name" and therefore saying "This is what I perceive you as, you are in this category of woman ergo not worthy of being addressed by only your first name."
I've encountered this Miss/Ma'am issue before working retail: co-workers of mine have referred to customers as "Sir" or "Ma'am" which would sometimes elicit a screaming of bloody murder, more from women at the address than from men.
Okay, so "Ma'am" might have some other connotations that are obscurely historical and might be construed as offensive such as "Madam", as in the head of a brothel. Worse are those people who scream at the use of "Miss" - perhaps they'd prefer to be called "Ma'am"? Well what did you want me to call you, lady-who-is-obviously-too-old-to-be-wearing-that-matching-jumpsuit-with-the-word-
I might add that calling someone Ms., which is just too darn feminist for my own personal use, really sounds weird. "Hey Mizz! You forgot your bag!"
Sure, in the case of customer service, you have to be careful. But what the hell else are you supposed to call someone? There are times when you just have to address someone directly, and don't tell me you can avoid it, because there are times when you really, really can't. "Hey lady!" or "You there!" just aren't right. How about, "Non-denominational-unclassified-person-of-the-gender-you-are! I found the book you were looking for."
All that aside, the email from this woman (I suppose she's a woman, since she only referred to herself by her first name, which I won't mention here) went on in the email. This is my favourite part of the message:
Read my resume, slave! And call me MISS!Unless someone is a Mistress in the BDSM lifestyle, they just don't use
it & at first that's what I thought you were.
You can do whatever you want, I'm just letting you know how you might
be perceived by others.
Yes, I suppose if your brain works that way and that's what you're into, sure, calling myself Miss might identify me as a leather-clad master of the bedroom (and John will only attest to the second half of that identifier, I'm sure.)
But the question remains: if I'm applying for a job, referring to myself as Miss in my CV, and they don't pick me because they think I'm some kind of S&M wielder of a hot pink cat-o-nine-tails, do I REALLY want to work for them?
Oh and just so we're clear: professional correspondences don't use the word "like" in the middle of a sentence... unless you're, like, a teenager.*
Monday, May 08, 2006
Meanwhile, the job hunt continues - have some prospects on the go and had an interview at Harlequin Enterprises today. Yes, Harlequin, the publishers of trashy romance fics you can get at your local 7-11. Though these days, they publish a lot more than just romance (though they usually have some romantic aspect to the plot.) I didn't know this, but Harlequin started up in Winnipeg in 1949 - yes, it's a Canadian success story! Who knew? Anyhow, I'm crossing my fingers and hoping beyond hope they take me as a new proofreader.
Otherwise, life is good. Spring has sprung and I'm making significant progress on my original writing. Who knows? Maybe one day you'll see my name on a trashy romance novel at 7-11...
Sunday, April 30, 2006
John arrives tomorrow! And he's staying for good!*
He was supposed to move in today, but U-Haul offered him a half-priced rental if he took it for Monday. And since he's in no rush, why not?
I am dancing around the place, arranging and rearranging things, trying hard not to clean things up since I'm going to have to vacuum again anyhow after the move. I'm a happy, but unemployed, Vicki.
Also, I like my fandom - it's keeping me busy, in case you can't tell.
*Unless he goes away again. Which would be the opposite of FANGIRL SQUEE! More like BIG BABY WAAAAHH!!
I taught myself Photoshop! Now I can feed my fandom with a balanced diet of fanfic, manips, fanvids, icons, and more!
And yes, I did do the above manip. Because I'm INSANE. And unemployed. And a big nerd. Got a problem with that?
Dammit, why won't someone pay me to do this stuff?
(Could be worse - I could have an obsession with reality TV or Desperate Housewives. Or CNN. Brrr...)
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Thursday, April 27, 2006
P.S. I know my graphic design skills are horrible. I'm working on it.
(Why won't someone pay me to do this kind of thing?)
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
Gene Roddenberry's ashes are spinning in geosynchronous orbit around the planet.
Another fun Avatar: The Last Airbender music video... this time, using music from the Buffy the Vampire Slayer musical episode "Once More With Feeling."
(Ahh, being unemployed is too much fun...)
Feed my fandom! FEED IT!!!
On YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtGLwYs-2
On PutFile: http://media.putfile.com/Avatar-The-Last-A
...Oh, and just so that everyone knows: I've converted at least 7 people to the cult of Avatar. BWAHAHA! Mine is an evil laugh!
Saturday, April 22, 2006
So it's back to pounding the pavement (figuratively speaking) and doing fruitless, daily searches over the internet for THE JOB. If I never find it, I won't be surprised.
Meanwhile, I've decided to take a plunge and try out for some extra work. Just for fun. I know some agencies could possibly rip me off or exploit me in unflattering and parent-unfriendly ways, but I'm going to do an interview on Tuesday next week anyhow, just so I can say I did. Even if the guy takes one look at me says "Oh god, no! What are you even THINKING?" it would make great blog fodder.
Thursday, April 20, 2006
The highlight of the fair was going to each of the agencies and being asked, "So what kind of job are you looking for?" To which I'd reply, "Oh, I'm a writer..." and they would give me this disapproving look like I'd just told them I killed puppies for a living and say, "I can tell you right away we never get openings in publishing or printing or media." And then they'd give me their branded merchandise - a highlighter for circling jobs in the newspaper, or a magnet for polarizing my needles. Yay.
On the upside, if you want a job in a retail store, they have a whole pavillion dedicated to retail shops like The Shoe Company and Loblaws and Laura Secord. While I like money, I'm not desperate enough to work retail just yet.
Meanwhile, I'm still on the hunt for THE job for me. It may come later rather than sooner, but I've been so busy putting the new apartment together, I don't know where my time is going. And I'm still really, really, REALLY agonizing over my last job. I find myself clenching every time I even THINK about it. Grr. I hate stress.
But life goes on, as it must, and so I go with it.
So he reached in there up to his armpit and extracted two cups - a Starbucks grande cup, and a Tim Hortons large ice cappucino cup that was 1/3 full. He promptly popped off the lids and drank the dredges in each of these cups before starting off again.
Now, I was standing there, watching this with great horror and pity, and was about to put some money and my Kit Kat bar into the man's hands when the little "big city" alarm bell in my head went off. It said: WARNING - CRAZY MAN AHEAD. DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT. DO NOT APPROACH. DO NOT PITY, FOR HE WILL KNIFE YOU WITH A SHARPENED SPOON FOR WHATEVER ELSE MIGHT BE ON YOUR CORPSE.
He was gone before I could reconsider, and I felt bad. Then again, I might have avoided disaster: one night, I was practically mugged by two homeless men when I conceded to give one a fast food voucher and he insisted I give him and his friend money instead. Another time, I ended up giving a very young couple 20 bucks when I said I'd give them the change in from my groceries because the girl was "pregnant and needed to go home to Oshawa." (I swear, if she isn't taking good care of that baby and used the money on drugs instead, her uterus will fall out of her.)
Did I do wrong? Should I have given this shifty character my 50 cents and the nutritionless candy bar?
Monday, April 10, 2006
Wednesday, April 05, 2006
Signs warning of bird droppings were posted along a stretch in downtown Orlando this week after cars, benches, sidewalks, plants and even people are hit and covered by the white bird waste, according to a Local 6 News report.
The problem began when city workers removed cypress trees on "bird island" at Lake Eola in Orlando. The trees had to be removed because the bird droppings were polluting the water, according to the report.
Now, the birds have moved into the city and are covering anything and anyone between Lake Eola and Central Avenue with droppings.
"You have to brace yourself for the smell," downtown resident James Taylor said. "It is a really bad stench. It is disgusting, absolutely disgusting."
"I was walking the other day and got pooed on walking under these trees," Orlando resident Lisa Valentine said. "Somebody told me it was good luck.""The white film cakes the light posts along Lake Eloa," Local 6 reporter Todd Jurkowski said. "It is on the sidewalks and on the plants."
Officials said Orlando city workers pressure wash a stretch of the sidewalk at least twice a week.
Signs with the warning, "Caution -- Entering Bird Dropping Area" were posted Tuesday."Don't sit on the benches, unless you are very brave," resident Jeff Miller said.
Some people don't let the bird droppings bother them and continue to eat lunch around the droppings."Based on what I saw on that car, I got to believe there is no (expletive) left in them," resident Alex Hartley said.
Federal law prohibits the bird nests in Orlando from being disturbed.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
Meanwhile, life for me continues. Spring forward has consumed one hour of my precious life away, but that means one less hour that I'm alive and not costing anything.
Sadly, I've yet to find a new job, and I'm starting to feel the pressure, not because I'm absolutely strapped for cash, but because I'm not used to the idea of spending more than I earn. I guess all those years of being cheap and saving what I can in my bank account are paying off, though.
Over the past few days, I've been setting up the new basement apartment, and it's just about ready now. I've moved in, and have spent 4 or 5 nights down here so far. There's no phone yet, and my cell doesn't work down here, but I've got internet. Yay!
The writing continues, though I've hit a bit of writer's block, which was bound to happen in the creative vacuum I've created in my little basement apartment. Even the fanfic is suffering.
So that's the summary of my life as it stands right now. Yup. That's it.
Oh, and please continue to not tell my parents about my joblessness or I'm screwed.
Wednesday, March 29, 2006
I was about to say something. I thought, "This is an opportunity to teach them a lesson." I could take them out, sit them down for a cup of coffee, then ask them "WTF? Don't you guys have something better to do?"
Then I realized, hell, they're stealing from a DOLLAR STORE. If they can't bring themselves to actually commit a real crime, or screw someone that deserves to be screwed, then hell, they deserve to have that really embarrassing note on their criminal records that says they stole from a freakin' Dollarama.
It was obvious they'd done this kind of thing before, too. Girls, wherever you are, here's what I would have told you: Karma's a bitch. When you're getting your teeth knocked in by mall security for trying to filch a Sony MP3 player, just remember that had you only done it before the age of majority, you wouldn't have gotten your asses kicked so bad because you were only children back then.
Also, one of you is going to get hit by a car - the other will lose the ring and index finger on her right hand after her boyfriend's dog bites it off. I'm just sayin'.
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
The links below go to my favourite Avatartist of all time, Isaia, a.k.a. aviaq on LJ. She's just got this beautiful cartoon style that makes the characters really believably human, and there's just so much energy behind each of her works. And she's funny, to boot.
Someone, SOMEONE give this girl a job at Nickelodeon!
Because I'm apparently Avatarded:
It's Avatarded if Part 1: http://www.deviantart.com/view/22634428/
It's Avatarded if Part 2: http://www.deviantart.com/view/22634558/
It's Avatarded if Part 3: http://www.deviantart.com/view/26852621/
It's Avatarded if Part 4: http://www.deviantart.com/view/26852712/
It's Avatarded if Part 5: http://www.deviantart.com/view/30502511/
And to think she's just going into college. Check out even more of her fun and absolutely gorgeous and hilarious Avatar and non-Avatar art at: http://isaia.deviantart.com/gallery/
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
I realize I pass the same store every day, but have never gone in. I realize I've never noted the names of some of my favourite stores and restaurants. I realize there are dozens of missed opportunities because I've never simply steeled my resolve and just stepped into a store to explore and sate a curiosity that has never been piqued.
And then I realize that some stores just don't warrant entering because of bad marketing. Boring displays, old merchandise, sloppy, dirty storefronts, and so on just don't inspire me to walk in and say, hmm, I wonder if they have anything I could buy...
Weird how that works.
Sunday, March 19, 2006
... Okay, a lot. In any case, Carly, I do not envy you your motherly trials, but you are an inspiration to us all. Give my love to the puppy and the parasite (aka Lucy).
P.S. Chocolate milk and popcorn don't mix. Well, they do, under non-lactose-intolerant circumstances. You have been warned.
Saturday, March 18, 2006
I really enjoyed the graphic novel, despite the how dark, verbose, and depressing it was, but I still say go read it before you see the movie. For one, it does translate quite well to screen. The Wachowski brothers managed to pare down the character relationships and plot enough so it all came across as simply the idea and message. Much of the dialogue is lifted straight from the book, and is beautifully delivered by masked vigilante Hugo Weaving, whose opening alliterative monologue was spectacularly given.
Weaving's performance overall was wonderful; he manages to perform beyond the smiling Guy Fox mask and exhibit a full range of emotions by body language alone.
Natalie Portman also does a bang up job as Evey, though compared to the graphic novel SPOILER ALERT version, I don't see much transition from frightened little girl to fearless revolutionary. I think it's the eyes - too much mascara. Still, her performance was good, and I give her kudos for shaving her head for the part.
Go see this movie. It's great.
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Wednesday, March 15, 2006
As a result, the house is now freezing - we've turned the heat off while the workers do the installation. The thermostat reads a balmy 16 degrees celcius (about 61 farenheit or 289 Kelvins, for you nerds out there.) But it also happens to be one of the windiest days in memory. So with the windchill, my living room feels like minus 30 C.
Fun. I am currently wearing 3 sweaters and two pairs of pants, plus both of my hoodies are drawn up and I'm wearing my spiffy new fuzzy blue gloves that Catherine gave me. They make my hands look like Cookie Monster's, or possible Grover's. It's hard to type with such fat, muppet-like digits, I tell ya.
I find myself drifting off into hibernation mode, but I have nowhere warm to be and no bed to lie down on. Not even the couch. Not that I'm complaining - these guys are getting the windows done pretty fast. Still... brr.
On a side note, because this blog is all about wasting time and learning trivial matters, the best way to get warm is to strip naked and climb into a sleeping bag with someone else who is already naked.
John, I'm looking in your direction.
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
So I went to get a much needed massage today to work the stress-induced stiffness out of my spine, shoulders and neck. What never ceases to amaze me is the amount of pressure on the upper portion of my glutes - a condition I shall henceforth call computer butt.
Ask yourself: do I have computer butt? What are the symptoms of computer butt? How can I prevent computer butt? How do I get rid of computer butt?
1) Do I have computer butt?
If you spend more than 2 hours a day at your computer, or sitting at a desk, the chances are, you have computer butt.
Numbness of the general ass area, noticable widening, flatness, or sagginess; in severe cases, pain, sores, hemorrhoids, melting, oozing, permanent ass grooves in office chair, paralysis or disappearance of legs.
Get away from your desk. If that's not possible, eschew chairs altogether and stand at your workstation. Don't sit. Ever.
4) Getting rid of computer butt:
Machete and an iron will. Or, massage therapy. Implants are also an option.
Monday, March 13, 2006
Got up, ate breakfast, worked on writing some reviews for iBegin.com, painted the basement, ate lunch, folded laundry, played Katamari Damancy (damn addictive game), had someone over to fix my computer (and now it's in the shop), and now I'm blogging... ahh...
On the one hand, I feel like I should be doing more, like I should be going out to get some exercise and fresh air.
But it's raining and cold and there are wolves after me.
Besides, the shoulds of the world will kill us all. Yeah, I should be volunteering my free time to help the needy, I should be working a dead-end job so I can save money to buy a house and procreate to spread my genes... but TV and video games makes it so easy not to do any of that stuff.
Will probably spend more time writing and reading today - I still have to finish reading Eragon and lots of other books I have stocked up on my shelves. Meanwhile, Job Quest continues, though I'm not eager to put myself back into a cubicle anytime soon.
Yep, so that's what I'm doing... *putting my feet up* ... yyyyuuuuuppp...
Saturday, March 11, 2006
Don't tell my parents.
I'd been thinking about it for some time now, and I decided the office life wasn't for me. So I cast off the shackles of my indentured life and decided to freelance for a while. Reclaim my identity, take some time off, and not have sleepless nights where I end up in fetal position, wide-eyed, whispering and singing crazily to myself.
Today is day one. I have done little today, except watch cartoons, play We Love Katamari, and a little bit of cleaning that proved to be utterly futile since the vacuum cleaner seems to be blowing out more dust than it's sucking in.
So expect to see more posts from here on in... not that I'll have a lot to say, but you don't come here for intellectual stimulus anyhow, so I'll try not to hurt your brains too much.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Oddly enough, it almost feels like the exact same story. It's an amazing piece of work. Go watch it.
Monday, February 27, 2006
I am looking for a Job.
Not just any Job, but THE Job. This fabled relic is said to exist, but each is unique to its holder, its value surpassing any jewel or trinket a mortal person could devise. With The Job, it is said one will find eternal happiness and contentment. It is said that The Job will bring delights both physical and mental. It is said that one will be at peace with the world if one attains The Job.
And so I have decided to seek The Job. My Job.
I begin my journey by travelling to the city of Workopolis. The way is straight and quick like the bite of a whip, but the dangers do not lie in the journey - they are within the city walls.
Workopolis is a vast and complex place of many opportunities; open doors to mysterious and wonderful places I can only glimpse if granted access by the gatekeepers. But I am wary. These houses are as numerous and promising as the streetwalkers who eye me continually, and I risk more than losing just my wallet and watch if I enter the wrong establishment.
My life is at stake. My livelihood. If I enter the wrong house, I may never exit to continue the Quest.
"Oi! Looking for a fast-paced environment writing for the country's largest insurance firm?" One man calls loudly from the doorway of a particularly large and opulent building. I tilt my head and take a step forward, only to see the stream of rats scuttling out a side door. The rodents, wide-eyed and world-weary, glance furtively at me before scampering away into the welcome darkness.
"Thanks, I'll pass for now."
I wander down Workopolis' numerous avenues - narrow, crooked roads threading between and around some of the biggest houses I have ever seen. I know many of these manors, of course, and each has a plethora of doors and windows one can peer into, but many do not interest me. These buildings have simply stood for too long, are too well-established for the likes of me and my meagre upbringing.
It has not yet been half the day, and I have not combed the city as I had planned, but I grow weary and depressed and decide to retire to Fanfiction. Perhaps the tenants of this lively tavern can set me on the right path to The Job...
Friday, February 10, 2006
Thursday, February 09, 2006
So I've posted my first Avatar Fanvid up - I just started playing with the Windows Movie Maker, and I got totally hooked on it. It's pretty easy to use, and I always loved editing stuff.
Overall, it took me most of the weekend to put together, but I'm quite pleased with how it turned out. (Yeah, that's right, this is what I do with my weekends these days...)
Have a gander and let me know what you think: it's to the tune of White Flag, by Dido.
To people who don't care (and won't likely watch this anyhow):
Why this was a work of love: it involved clipping scenes and making it look like there was a romance going on between two characters that have no existing relationship. Though it's pretty obvious it's going to happen.
To the fans who are visiting my blog (I love you guys - you've increased hits to my site a billionfold):
Yup, it's a Zutara fanfilm. And it's cheeeeeeesetacular. I debuted it on the Katara_Zuko LJ site, and knowing that not many people read this LJ, I figure, heck, I should pimp it here. Dunno where else to put it.
Pass it along, let me know what you think, etc. etc.
Sunday, February 05, 2006
Now, most of you are probably going *blush* or, "Oh my," but to that I say, "meh." Sure, maybe I'm a dirty bird, but I'm a firm believer of genre transcendence. So far, I've written a kids' story, a musical, a horror, several comedic shorts (or drabbles), the smut fic, and now I'm onto a murder mystery. I'll have to work in a western at some point, and the almighty AU (alternate universe) that is essential to any fanfic author's collection. I'll find time for that one day.
I have to say the experience of writing pure porn without plot was a touch boring. Descriptions get clinical and the narrative ends up taking the rhythm of the actual act. Which is fine and dandy, if you like that sort of thing. The challenge was keeping it interesting as a story, which, if there is no plot apart from getting from point A, to point Big O, is really, really hard. But since it was based on existing characters that readers know and love, it was easier than trying to build story around the situation. It's just "oh, you're hot, let's do it!" and everyone just accepts that. So, yay for me!
All in all, it was a real learning experience. I ended up doing two versions of the story - a PG version and a hardcore version (Oasis, by FatefulFish. I think my story crashed their server). So if you really want to know what Vicki's been up to lately, have a look. Of course, it was pretty hilarious as I scrounged for different descriptors and synonyms, as John can tell you.
Meanwhile, life goes on. I actually plan on writing a real novel of my own someday, and not just
fanfic. It's just nice to get feedback from total strangers on the net. Especially when your family and friends really, really don't care to read your stuff.
(But hell, I suppose if you're reading this right now, you must care!)
Thursday, January 26, 2006
| Katharine Hepburn |
You scored 14% grit, 33% wit, 38% flair, and 23% class!
You are the fabulously quirky and independent woman of character. You
go your own way, follow your own drummer, take your own lead. You stand
head and shoulders next to your partner, but you are perfectly willing
and able to stand alone. Others might be more classically beautiful or
conventionally woman-like, but you possess a more fundamental common
sense and off-kilter charm, making interesting men fall at your feet.
You can pick them up or leave them there as you see fit. You share the
screen with the likes of Spencer Tracy and Cary Grant, thinking men who
like strong women.
|My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:|
|Link: The Classic Dames Test written by gidgetgoes on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test|
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Friday, January 20, 2006
Go to the website. It's worth look at the cutesy-weird characters. Also, the launch party is on next Thursday on Queen St. W. I'll be there.
Thursday, January 19, 2006
"Happy New Year! Watch lots of TV! We're household gods! Now enjoy the gold plunger and pile of poop. La la la la la la..."
Do I regret not continuing Cantonese classes? Well, if this is what I get, then no.
Sunday, January 08, 2006
Saturday, January 07, 2006
All I can say is... what, only 5?
1) I stay up late to write Avatar fanfiction. If that doesn't label me as weird, I don't know what else does.
2) I still wake up on Saturday morning to eat cereal and watch cartoons in my pajamas. Not early, mind you, just around 11 am.
3) I put Bovril on my fried eggs. It's a family thing.
4) I collect useless information about weird natural phenomena and keep it in a file on my bookshelf.
5) I keep a number of books I've been meaning to read in the bathroom in lieu of Archies and magazines. Currently residing in the bathroom are" Paradise Lost, Shikasta, Pride & Prejudice, Good News for A Change, and a Book of Limericks.
There. Now I tag Danielle and Michelle.