Class up the ass

I was at the Dollarama at Dufferin Mall the other day when I spotted two girls, maybe 12 or 13 years old, trying to steal stuff. I was the only person in the aisle with them, and it was obvious they were waiting for me to leave, but I didn't. I just kept looking over at them, waiting for them to try to stuff their goddamn ugly Dora the Explorer backpacks with handfuls of trinkets.

I was about to say something. I thought, "This is an opportunity to teach them a lesson." I could take them out, sit them down for a cup of coffee, then ask them "WTF? Don't you guys have something better to do?"

Then I realized, hell, they're stealing from a DOLLAR STORE. If they can't bring themselves to actually commit a real crime, or screw someone that deserves to be screwed, then hell, they deserve to have that really embarrassing note on their criminal records that says they stole from a freakin' Dollarama.

It was obvious they'd done this kind of thing before, too. Girls, wherever you are, here's what I would have told you: Karma's a bitch. When you're getting your teeth knocked in by mall security for trying to filch a Sony MP3 player, just remember that had you only done it before the age of majority, you wouldn't have gotten your asses kicked so bad because you were only children back then.

Also, one of you is going to get hit by a car - the other will lose the ring and index finger on her right hand after her boyfriend's dog bites it off. I'm just sayin'.