Genie Awards

Now, I'm all for supporting Canadian film and art, but I've got a beef with the Genies.

Mainly, does anyone know what a Genie looks like?

Oscar has the naked man with the sword. Grammy' Gemini: two facs got little gramaphones. Golden globes: golden globes. MTV Movie Awards: gold popcorn.es. I can even tell you that the Motor Trend Car of the Year award is a gold caliper. So what the hell is a Genie?

Well, this is. That's right, the symbol of great award-winning Canadian films is a strangely androgynous chair back with a J.Lo booty and an extra ass for a head.

Now with all due respect to the sculptor, couldn't we have something that's not so... ambiguous? I'm not saying we should have a big ol' film canister with a reel of celluloid sticking out of it wrapped around a maple leaf, but maybe something a little more classic and memorable. If I saw that on someone's shelf, I'd have assumed it was picked up at a trendy Queen Street furnishings store and not some great honour won through dedication, hard work, raw talent, and a very low budget that didn't allow the actors or directors to eat for a month.

But perhaps the Genie statue's design isn't the problem. (Again, I'm no professor of art or design, so what the hell do I know?) Maybe it's that after 25 years, this honour means little to the Canadian public. We try to make it out to be a big deal, an opportunity to wave our flag around and loudly mumble the words to our forgettable anthem. But how does the Canadian public see the Genies?

In a recent conversation, friends jokingly said that anyone could win a Genie, and that it was like the "actor's welcome package". I myself laughed and said it was a step above winning a Razzy.

Now that I ponder on it, I think the Genies need more pizzazz, better PR, a bigger green room, a longer red carpet, a nicer take-home gift bag, something! But as Canadians, we just don't dig that scene. We don't have two hours of Genie countdown with commentary on what who is wearing and who they're with, etc.

I guess the bottom line is that the Genies AREN'T the Oscars, that Canadians AREN'T Americans, and that's the way we're going to keep them.

Still, what a gawdawful statue. Can we at least get rid of one of the asses?

That reminds me... what does a Juno look like?