Sunday, May 22, 2005

More on Star Wars: ROTS

By now, many of you have probably seen Episode III and are deconstructing it as a gleefully sadistic 5-year-old boy dismembering a G.I. Joe doll would.

A few additional remarks to my first post about it. (Warning: SPOILERS AHEAD!!)

1) They shouldn't have made Episode I. Ever. There was nothing in it that advanced the story in any way. We are still left in the dark about Anakin's immaculate conception by the end of ROTS, Qui Gon barely makes a dent in the story, and Jar Jar.... well, let's just say we were better off having never known him.

The story really should have begun with the discovery of Anakin as a teen. That at least would explain his whiny, childish behaviour throughout Episodes II and III. I mean, for crying out loud, the kid was a slave in Phantom Menace and all he can do in the next two films is whine about his hard life!

Speaking of which, since when were Jedi's forced to take an oath to celibacy? I know, love leads to possession and jealousy, which leads to the Dark side, yadda yadda, but Yoda might as well say that about everything! And I think he nearly did in ROTS. Can you imagine a NORMAL day for him?:

Jedi trainee: "Master Yoda, I'm going to grab a bite, you want something? I've got bananas."

Yoda: "A banana you must not eat. Eating leads to hunger, hunger leads to wanting, wanting leads to greed, which is an agent of the Dark Side."

Jedi: "Ooookaay... I guess fasting is part of the deal I signed up for. Well, I'm going to take a shower before lessons."

Yoda: "Cleaning leads to exposure to the Dark side of dirt. Unlearn, you must, about dirt of the body, getting, and deodorant use, excessive."

Jedi: "Uh... could you run that by me again? That was more convoluted than your usual garbled gems of wisdom."

Yoda: "Repetition, a sign of the Dark Side, it is. Listening to me, you were not. In the corner, you must sit now, until recess."

Jedi: "Aww, crap..."

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