Do I smell?

This has been a question plaguing me since adolesence. For some reason, every Christmas, birthday, or miscellaneous gift-giving occasion, I get a gift of scented soap, or bath gel, or scented candles, or pot pourri, or perfume, or room spray... etc. I once received a natural sea sponge back scrub for a birthday.

Such presents can only lead me to ask myself, and everyone around me, this: do I need a bath? Should I start using deodorant? Are you trying to tell me that my natural musk is burning your eyes?

I can't imagine this to be the case, especially since I moved out. I shower every night - a routine John still doesn't seem to understand as he tends to shower in the morning - and use baby powder and wear a light perfume. True, home-home (mom and dad's) stinks like fish tanks, dog, and sleep, so I guess I can explain away pre-living on my own. But now...?

Everyone I've asked has told me they don't smell anything, and they've all promised that as friends, they would tell me directly if I reeked of anything. There was one time I nearly died of my own armpit juice on a summer day, which I thought was John's feet. When I giggled and said I thought it was him, he pointedly said he figured it was me, but had said nothing.

[Lifts arm, inhales: *Sniff sniff*...BLLAARRRRRGGGAUUUUUGGGGHHHH!!!!]

So what up, yo? Do I need Secrete: strong enough for a man, considered a WMD by odour? Someone tell me, cuz' I'd really like to know. And if you do intend to reply, tell me what I smell like: as far as I'm concerned, I smell like Green Tea spray from Elizabeth Arden, baby powder, Toronto wind, and my sleeping mother. (Yes, she smells, and no, I didn't sniff her while she slept. Trust me and go sniff your mom's pillow next time you're in her room. Moms smell.)