Get your skis shined up...

Grab a stick of Juicy Fruit. Cuz' that poor guy who gets his guitar smashed up by various people worldwide works at Leoni's Italian Kitchen.

Yep. No joke. He was our waiter last night, and he was recognized by more than one table of customers.

Nice guy. But I can't imagaine how much he must hate his life.

Superman is a dick

No, really, he's a dick.

Not in the dirty way. Just take a peek. You'll be looking at it for hours.

It brings to mind my favourite comic book - a Detective Comics books with Batman and Robin on the cover squaring off against "The Wasp" and "The Raven."

Batman: "Great Scott! Another bizarre character with a fantastic weapon!"

...Yeah, that pretty much sums up most of the superhero comic book industry today.

BE A MAN

Laughed my ass off.

This guy is genius. He's got the accent down to a tee. He sounds exactly like Wok with Yan.

Disney sucks

Not that I have a huge grudge against them for any reason, but with the exception of the stuff they've done with Pixar, Disney hasn't produced anything remotely original or interesting in terms of animated feature films. I guess that's why they bought Studio Ghibli's stuff.

Now, I absolutely worship Miyazaki. He's a storytelling genius and he doesn't impose saccharine morales or cultural and societal values (aka the "beautiful Princess gets the handsome prince"-syndrome) into his work. He's a genius artist and super-talented writer, like Neil Gaiman and Alex Ross rolled into one. I guess I can't begrudge him for going to Disney for distribution. But I think it says something about the state of American-made animation.

Disney, for one, has fallen onto the easy buck: making "II" movies that are so poorly animated they give me cancer. Sure, the II movies have their moments: Aladdin and the King of Thieves wasn't so bad. And Disney had its first ever break-up in Pocahontas II: a new white guy to shag.
But overall, they haven't had an Academy-award-worthy major film with song and dance since The Lion King. (I would vouch for Lilo and Stitch, my fave of the Disneys, but it doesn't have that BIGNESS to it the Aladdin, Beauty & the Beast, or even the Little Mermaid had).

Instead, we've been getting those half-assed hour-and-a-half-long tales like Brother Bear, and Treasure Planet that are just...okay.

What happened to "wow, that was an amazing movie! I can't believe it was a cartoon!"

I'm sure I could rant more on this, but I have no proper way of organizing my thoughts my I'm junked out on my medication just now. And I feel dizzy, so more later.

Feelin' ill

Still sick, hard to move, everything hurts or isn't right.

Think I'm about to have the worst week of my life as I'm due for the "50-dollar bill". "The crimson tide". That "time of the month" when "I'm not at my best" because I'm "bleeding from my vagina."

So on top of being dizzy, weak, congested, full of phlegm, barely able to speak, sneezy, coughy, and all the other hospitalized dwarves, I'm also going to be moody, messy, and downright dislikable.

I've decided that the worst part about this is that I wake up every morning with a giant headache. And I smell like feet. So I shower, pop a tylenol, lie down again, and break out into cold sweats. And smell like feet again.

Ugh.

Okay, too much time at screen, must go back to horizontalness...

Flu shots don't work

Feeling moderately better today, enough so to go to the doctor. Turns out I have a flu. A relatively mild one that Good Ol' Dr. Tang says will probably hang on for more than two weeks. Great.

The worst part right now is that my throat is shredded into ribbons of pain. Can't talk much, and when I do, I sound like Marlon Brando with laryngitis. Lovely.

Meanwhile, my thought for the day: can we stop making plastic bags? I have so many bags now I can't put them anywhere. Someone must want them for something... any takers out there?

It's the tiny bags for CDs and trinkets I can't stand. They aren't good for anything, except maybe putting other little bags into. I've stopped taking bags whereever I can, and I'm just throwing stuff straight into my purse or knapsack.

Maybe someone should accept plastic bags as a recycling program and turn them into bricks with which to make affordable housing with. Or tents, or something. Surelu we have the technology to do that, no?

*Sigh*
Just coughed up something nasty, so I'm going away now.

The worst thing about a cancelled NHL season...

...is that I won't be able to wear my new Maple Leafs jersey I got for my birthday.
Waaahhh!!!!

The body has surrendered

I'm sick at home today - can't sleep, can't do much of anything. Everything hurts.

I've been dealing with a head cold all week since Sunday, after being stuck on the meat packing truck that is Greyhound for five hours on my way home from Ottawa. I thought I was getting better til the cold moved into my throat and lungs.

My mouth tastes like oysters.

So here I am, fluctuating between fever and chills.
Can't look at the screen anymore, so maybe I'll post more later.

Boss character

Those of you who know me have heard me rant on about my boss. It's not that I don't like him... *ahem*... in case he ever gets a hold of this blog...

Anyhoo, he has this tendency to send employees - myself especially - off on wild hunts for things I cannot fathom he'd have a use for.

Here's a short list of things he's asked for from me over the 2 years I've been there, in no particular order. I've put a * next to all the ones I've managed to acquire for him thus far:
- Pilgrim hats*
- A fridge door (just the door)
- Interesting washroom door signs, like cowboy and cowgirl
- A crane (to which I had to clarifyhis meaning. Did he want the bird, a giant machine, a toy, or the carnival crane like the one in Toy Story with the claw and the aliens. The answer is the latter.)
- Mirrors; a full-length one for him*, and smaller desk mirrors
- A jewellery carousel
- Bulgari hair conditioner from France*
- Tamogotchi*
- A take-a-number system*
- An antique chalkboard
- Camping plates (must be plastic, dishwashable, microwaveable, and preferably green)*
- "Cool, weird, wacky" signs for the office
- Christmas lights (he's Jewish...)*
- A dozen butter tarts and a dozen chocolate bars (for his wife on Valentines' Day)*
- A mini iPod (he gave up his 20GB iPod for it... talk about BetaMaxing yourself)*

... the list goes on. It goes on for so long, that I've dedicated two files in my drawers to his requests: requests, and bat-shit crazy requests.

See, I've learned something very important from working with him, or any other crazy boss, and I pass it along to you now:

When you're asked to do something, don't do it. Write it down, and wait until you're asked twice or three times more. Guage the urgency of the request. Only when the words "I need it now now now now now" come into play should you act on an insane request. Especially if it's for a wild goose or holy grail.

And in case you're reading this, boss: my mandate is to be fired in the most spectacular way possible. As in, out of a cannon. Hee hee!

Fun for everyone

I sometimes think about what to say, just for the purpose of making coherent mouth moises. (I guess that's what this blog is all about, after all.)

I often think about those awkward situations when you're with someone you don't really know, say, on a date, and the two of you are sitting across from each other, staring vacantly across the room, wondering why you're there. Books containing dating tips that give you topics to talk about usually have the same old crap, including "talk about your favourite music/books/movies".

So in my cranial boredom, I came up with a fun game you can play in the car.

I call it "Hollywood Producer". Cast a movie that's already been made with the most inappropriate people you can. But they can't be completely far-fetched, and they still have to fit the role, so no casting Jack Black as Luke Skywalker or anything. John came up with this cast for Lord of the Rings. He forgot to add his idea to cast Jack Nicholson as Elrond. Hee hee!

Here's my list:
Aragorn - Johnny Depp
Legolas - Keanu Reeves
Boromir - Vin Diesel
Gimli - Jack Black
Gandalf - Sean Connery (note: he actually turned down the role to star in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen... everyone now! Worst career decision ever...)
Frodo - Jimmy Fallon
Sam - Seth Green
Galadreil - Paris Hilton

Conversely, you can play the conventional "Cast a movie from a book you've read" game, which isn't as fun, but good while drinking.

Happy Lunar New Year's Eve!!

Yay! My favourite holiday of the year is upon me! Tonight, we feast on every animal that walks, crawls, swims and flies. Yum! Tomorrow, I get to collect ly-see (red pockets) from my elders, eat lots and lots of food, and buy things! Yay!

Best of all, I don't have to go to work!

I say let the western hemisphere join in the celebration - a majority of the world's population is taking the time off. Besides, North Americans could use the breather between Christmas and Easter, and a little extra time to plan Valentines' Day.

Anyhoo, I'm home now, and I've got to prepare the grub. I'm off work for the next few days, and I'll be off to Ottawa on Thursday, so no posting for a while.

Happy Year of the Rooster!

Wither art thou brain, Future Shop?

Not that I have any major problem with this gi-normous electronics chain, but I'm suffering from a major flabbergastation right now.

My boss asked me to order two 512 MB USB keys for the office. I went to Futureshop.ca and ordered them online using his company American Express. I was later informed that I'd need to call them because there was some discrepancy in the information on the card. They insisted on speaking to him personally, except that he is on vacation.

Fine. So I had my other boss use his company credit card to order the keys over the phone with the Futureshop.ca phone rep. Then he left for the day. They called not two hours later to speak with him to confirm the shipping address, but got me instead. They insisted they speak with him. So I asked, very politely, how they could expect it was indeed the cardholder speaking to them and not some guy off the street. The rep said they could only hope the person on the phone was telling the truth.

So instead of getting the items shipped off to me in a timely fashion, getting their money, and calling it a day, they have to jump through the flaming sphinctoral rings of bureaucracy to confirm something that might not even be true.

Hmmph. Okay then. If you want to play that game, let's play...

THE DEVIOUS INTERIOR DECORATOR COMMANDS YOU...

BUY A SUSHI PILLOW.


Because Neil Gaiman told you to.

Arrrrghhh!! Hulk Smash!!

I saw the stupidest thing on CP24 today: it was one of those phone-in surveys asking whether teachers should be allowed to strike. The poll was split 1000-odd no, to 600-odd yes. Morons, all of them! I think people who voted that teachers shouldn't be allowed to strike are people who don't want to deal with the inconvenience of thier own children. I mean, hello? You want to take a basic democratic right away from the people who will affect your child the most next to the parents. Why not just send your children straight to the military? That way you'll never have to find a babysitter, AND they'll learn how to make their own bed!

Arrgh, I get all green and lumpy whenever I think about it...

I remember when Ernie Eves proposed that striking be made illegal for teachers when he was campaigning. Moron! Anyone who thinks teachers shouldn't be allowed to strike should have their voting priviledges stripped from them. Then they should be made to teach at the elementary level for three years and see what it's like.

Teachers are often over-worked, underpaid, and, more often than not, are at-odds with enraged parents, problem students, and an administration that does little to help these situations.

Moreover, teachers themselves get a bad rap. People don't seem to realize that they're represented by a very strong union that is trying to bargain for the bare necessities. And when the union comes to the bargaining table asking for something as simple as more prep time for a split grade class, the public goes nuts and says "those greedy teachers, they want more money, they want more time off, they get summers off, what more could they want?"

My sister has been an elementary school teacher for more than 7 years now, and young as she is, she comes home with her share of stories. She teaches a split grade 1 and grade 2 class. Sure, it sounds like you have fewer students of each grade to teach, but try preparing activities for two (or more) different levels, then marking and assessing their abilities.

And don't get me started on the special needs students! Since funding was cut, special needs kids – kids that don't talk, kids that can't read, kids who piss themselves, and so on – have been left trailing behind the rest of the class.

You know why you don't see a lot of teachers posting blogs? Because they're too busy marking assignments and preparing things for their classrooms.

Arrgh... Anyhow, that's my rant for the day. I have plenty of horrible teacher stories to share, so stick around for them.

On Gabriel Knight, and other obsessions

I love adventure games. I've always been a big fan of Sierra's classic third-person quest games, including King's Quest, Hero's Quest, Space Quest, Police Quest, and of course, Leisure Suit Larry.

Those of you who've played any of these games are familiar with the get-this-to-do-that method of these quests. But more recently, I've discovered Sierra's gem series, Gabriel Knight.

I won't go into too deeply into it, since I'm sure you can Google it and find out more. Basically, a guy from an ancient line of demon hunters does good.

In my opinion, the best of the series is the latest, Gabriel Knight 3: Blood of the Sacred, Blood of the Damned, released in 1999. I picked it up for a couple of bucks at the CNE this past year. Wow. Amazing storyline eerily crafted by author Jane Jensen. The best part is, it follows the mystery of Rennes-le-Chateau -- for those of you who've read the Da Vinci Code, you know where the story goes.

Interestingly enough, Jensen based the idea of GK3 on a book called Holy Blood, Holy Grail. The authors of this book are suing Dan Brown for lifting their research and ideas. I wonder if Jensen will say anything about it...

Anyhoo, just shooting the shit. I'm surprised you've even read this far.

Next time: more ways to waste your valuable time.

In the interests of edu-macation...

This, by my boyfriend John. He's my smarty-pants and I love him. 8 )

So does anyone else think Osama bin Laden doesn't actually exist and is just some guy the CIA hired from New Jersey to play "the foreign terrorist"? I mean, how can this guy still be on the loose, unless THEY don't want him to be caught?

Yeah, I know, I'm a crazy left-wing conspiracy nut who also believes in the Illuminati, Freemasons, Santa Claus and Jesus Christ. Truth is, the latter two are one and the same.

(Oboyoboy, do I ever have my place reserved in Hell.... there's a little placard there in the pit of boiling oil and everything...)