The venues are booked. The date is set.Thundercats are go!
With just under a year to plan everything, I'm discovering that, no matter how simple I want things to be, when it comes to family, things are complicated.
The parents insist they will financially cover whatever is needed, but it also means that I have to invite all these people who I wouldn't have otherwise put on the list. Apparently, I can't not invite them. GOTTA GIVE FACE!
Fine, more people means more gifts. Whatever.
But then there are the things that they're insisting on because "I should have a good wedding" and "I don't want to look cheap"...like flowers (I was just going to go get some plastic things from the dollar store!) and cake (McCain's, anyone?) and centerpieces (we were going to gather our crap together and just leave holey socks and bad books for people to fight over).
News flash: this is one day. I have no money considering John and I need to find a place to live. And, hello? I AM CHEAP.
Speaking of crap...we started our registry at the Bay, and OH MY GOD, it was terrifyingly complicated. We thought we'd just waltz in and sign up and get a scanner and go nuts.
No, no, no, the main store at Queen and Yonge sends you to the fifth floor where you have to make and appointment in this fancy lounge area to set up your registry. A woman in a sharp suit accosts you with bottled water, sits you down in designer chairs and interrogates you for 30 minutes about you home, your lifestyle, what you own, what you need to replace. And then she tries to push a whole new lifestyle as a married couple upon you. One in which you apparently entertain a group of 12 on a regular basis and break out the fine $85+/4 pc. set of fine china.
Hell, when more than 8 people come over, I break out the Royal Chinet. Nothing but the best paper plates when you have no dishwasher.
A sample of the typical line of questioning:
Mei (she was very nice, but really intense): How many sets of bedsheets do you own?
Us: Uh...two?
Mei: THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!
Us: ACK!
Mei: You should have at least THREE! You have guests over, you have one dirty set, you have one more, what will they sleep on? Too much trouble to clean the other set, and you're busy. NO, you must have THREE, AT LEAST!
Us: But...we only have one bed....
And more questions:
Mei: How many rooms in your house?
Us (despondently): We don't have a house.
Mei: Apartment? Condo?
Us: *sad hangdog puppy eyes*
Mei: (frowns in disapproval)
Mei: How many showers are you going to have?
John: Er...one a day?
Mei: I mean wedding showers or engagement parties.
Us: None.
Mei (frowns): Huh. You're keeping it simple then.
Us (a little sheepishly): Uh...yeah...
Here's the thing: John and I have tried to live frugally and without waste; plus we don't know what our living situation will be in a year's time, exactly, so space is always going to be an issue. This whole concept of getting stuff--and whatever we want, at that--was really foreign (but novel) to us. Chinese tradition is simply to give red pockets full of money. So the idea that someone would actually buy me new towels (the one major thing I look forward to) blew my frickin' mind.
In the end, that first day, all we put on were a new set of dishes (enough for eight people--are you happy, now, Mei?) since everything we own has been passed down to us and doesn't really match; and a stainless steel 4-slice toaster (because John really, really wanted it). I'm sure we'll go back for more, once we actually know what we need.
For now, I really look forward to new towels. In fact, they would not go amiss if I got them for my birthday....
6 comments:
dollarama centre pieces, i could do one for about 6 bucks if they hadn't jacked up the price of their stuff, now it's the "dollar or two"rama. I could still do it for under 10 though, 1 vase for 2 bucks, a bunch of nice rocks for 1, some flora for another 2, maybe some ribbon for another 1, what else do you need?
You don't have to be so anxious about the gift registry. Most of your asian friends will be giving you a red pocket in any case. Put the crap you want on the registry without thinking too much about it:
- stereo
- new tv
- a good set of pots/pans
- toys
Believe me, you'll get almost none of the stuff on that list unless you plan on inviting lots of non-asians.
Uh...maybe you've haven't noticed something about John, Joe... I might add, he wasn't adopted by Asians, either...
So, will John's family object to buying you, for instance, a new TV or other more desirable items off the Gift Registry?
*shrug* Dunno. We'll put lots of things on the registry, though, so that people have choices.
I contend that John's mostly asian as far as I can tell. Get him to do that facebook app.
John's family on the otherhand, I concur, are definately non-asian.
However, I'm sure that since you already have a lot of stuff you need then just put in the stuff you want or want to replace.
Don't feel the pressure you have to put stuff on there just because you think you "should" have it. Or because it'll make gift giving easier. That's not the point.
If they can't afford the entire cost by themselves I think the Bay registry has the option of paying for part of a gift.
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