No, there were no strippers, no copious amounts of booze or titillating games of "I Never." Instead, my ladies took me to Body Blitz Spa, where I was soaked, steamed and massaged into a stupor, and then I was marched along Queen Street where I was forced to collect signatures of random people, and then...off to Medieval Times!
I'd never been to the dinner and tournament, but it had occurred to me earlier that it would make the perfect venue for a party. I mean, who doesn't like jousting and roast chicken and hot guys on horses, waving their swords around? I'll take that over a strip club any day!
Lucky for me the girls knew me so well and had planned out the night with chivalry and debauchery in mind together.
I don't know what it is: There's just something about a knight in shining armor riding a horse and calling you "my lady" that gets my chastity belt in a twist. Of course, it probably helped that my girls had me dressed up in a full princess costume with a wedding veil...and any number of bachelorettish anachronisms, like the flashing button that says "Kiss the Bride to Be." Can't pass up any chance at humiliation, of course.
On that note, I was made a lady of the realm (knighted) and was forced to hand out a medal to the hottest guy in the building at the end of the event. It turned out to be the green knight, champion for our section, bad guy of the realm, but best damned knight out there. He seemed to accept the accolade with good cheer despite obvious exhaustion. It might have gone to Ken the barkeep, who m'ladied the pants off my sister, but then we heard him speak without the affected English accent and then that all went away.
The food was fine for what it was--tomato bisque and garlic bread, half a roast chicken, a rib, a baked potato skin, an apple pie-ish dessert, and coffee/tea and Pepsi. I had terrible heartburn later that night, and the lack of anything green really did make it a kind of oggy meal. But you'll eat anything when you're being entertained with violence and horses.
As a spectacle, Medieval Times was a terrific venue for anyone willing to accept it with a fine helping of salt and good cheer. Truly, it was a craptacularly romantic time.
Thank you, ladies, for fulfilling my medieval fantasy!
1 comment:
I told mom what we had for dinner, and how I wished there was some salad, and mom pointed out I couldn't eat salad with my fingers.
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