Grimm

Just came out of a showing of The Brothers Grimm. Good idea, bad execution. At first, I blamed the studio, as the film had this doesn't-feel-rightness about it. It didn't grab my attention, it barely registered, and the first two acts are a bit haphazard in terms of editing: it showed all the markings of a this-movie-should-have-started-this-way-but-had-to-be-shortened-and-we-
had-to-keep-all-the-action-sequences-in decision by a producer.

Then I realized it was just poorly written. It figures, though: the writer, Ehren Kruger, used to be an executive assistant at The Fox Network. His other titles include the screenplay for the Ring and the Ring Two, Scream 3, Arlington Road, and yes, that marvel of cinema, Reindeer Games.

It's a rental folks. Don't bother wasting $10 at the theatre.

There was also a 5-minute "short" that aired before the film began: it was a musical urban version of Romeo and Juliet sung by Mary J. Blige and sponsored by H&M.

To director David Lachappelle (no, not the guy from the Chappelle show): gimme back my 5 minutes. The short starts with a hispanic Romeo getting gunned down in front of black Juliet's apartment, and her rushing out to save him. Then it goes into a dreamy "how they met and got it on" montage, all while Blige croons and bellows and nearly screams these really long, obnoxious vowels. The scenes lead up to Romeo being killed in a drive-by shooting and Juliet sobbing over his body, lip syncing to Blige's wail for nearly 2 minutes.

At this point, the audience is so fed up with the flick they're just laughing and talking over it. Thankfully, Juliet holds up Romeo's cell phone and a police officer shoots her, thinking she's pointing a gun at him and making the audience cheer at the sudden silence.

The scene dissolves back to R & J cozying up topless, wearing jeans, in bed.

And then the words show up: brought to you by H & M denim. At which point the audience hisses and boos.

Note to all marketers out there: Romeo and Juliet may be one of the most well-known plays, but it's really, REALLY saccharine. Also, the main theme of it is infatuation, so what you're really saying is, the buyer would give up anything for this pairs of jeans, but they're really not worth dying over, so don't bother attaching yourself to them because they'll just fade and die on you.

Wasn't it enough that H & M had lots of cheap clothes that were moderately worthwhile? You didn't need to advertise, really.