Interactivity! Identity Crisis

I'm currently participating in an online workshop hosted by the Toronto Romance Writers on branding and, as I'm early in my career, it has been an eye-opening and thoroughly frustrating experience.

Admittedly, marketing is not my forte: I figured that out early during my short and entirely degrading experience working in a marketing department.

Simply put, it is entirely counter-intuitive to represent myself as something I'm not--and what I write is not who I am. I am not a person who focuses solely on contemporary family romance, even though that was what my last book was; nor am I the fantasy fanfiction writer most of the Google world knows me as.

Still, I can see the benefits of maintaining a certain integrity and message in my "public" face, i.e. Vicki Heat or Victory Essex. But having these two distinct IDs is really starting to throw me off. Some days I'm Victory Essex, the classy, dramatic writer who likes to glide through her mansion in her red velvet dress and drink brandy by the fireplace; other days, I'm Vicki Heat, who takes a shot of tequila with her to the bathtub where she lies around and dreams about where she'd like to place GSP or Tahmoh Penikett in her stories.

In the various worksheets and exercises, we're quizzed on the colors we like, the clothes that make us feel like a million bucks; we're asked to describe ourselves, how we present ourselves to others, our writing...it's all very confusing. Up until now, I've always just been Vicki So, an eclectic mix of all that is zany and sweet in the world...like a cotton candy cloud filled with euphoric ants. Now that I'm forcing myself to narrow it down to one identity to sell to the public, I don't know WHO I AM!

Help! Readers out there know me best (sorta). I need you to identify me!

Throw me some words to describe me! Manic? Humorous? Funky? Fresh? Smelly? Just this side of bat-shit-crazy? One donut short of a baker's dozen? You decide!

Your task: Give me your best adjective, adjective noun description of me as a writer.

(Bad) Examples:
Funky, Fresh Comedian
Wry, Witty Go-getter
Hungry, Hungry Hippo

Winner will get an icon designed by Poor, Pennyless Author!

Contest ends midnight EST, September 30, 2009.