60 episodes of Bleach in 60 seconds...

My summary on the first 60 episodes of Bleach in 60 seconds or less.

SPOILER WARNING AHEAD.

Episodes 1-3:

Ichigo: Hello, ghosts!
Rukia: *loom*
Hollows: RAHR!
Ichigo: Ah! Monsters!
Rukia: Hollows! Boo! *saves him*
Ichigo: Help me save my family!
Rukia: Here, take my powers. *Almost dies*
Ichigo: Rahr! *brandishes incredibly phallic sword, saves everyone*
Rukia: Hey! Still alive! And now you're gonna do my job! *clings*

Next twenty-two episodes:

Ichigo: *angst*
Rukia: *angst*

*fight fight fight fight fight*
*saves people*
*useless side characters introduced*

Ichigo: Look! It's the marketable stuffed-animal sidekick, Kon!
Audience: Awww, I want one!

Episodes 25-53:

Ichigo/Rukia: *heart?*
Rukia: Sorry, I'm becoming attached. Gotta go!
Kuchiki Byakuya: Come with us, criminal!
Renji: Yeah!
Ichigo: No!
Renji: *fatally wounds Ichigo*
Rukia: See ya! *cries bitter tears*
Ichigo: *trains with sandal hat guy in a five-episode arch montage*
Useless side characters: *also train with recently acquired powers*
Ichigo + USC: Let's go save Rukia!

*They go*
*They get separated*
*They fight baddies*
*Ichigo is mortally wounded about ten times in five days, but somehow manages to revive himself via deus ex machina*
*Lots of training sequences*
*Bunch of court intrigue that is interesting, but distracts from Ichigo's enormous phallic powers*
*Nostalgia intertwined with nonlinear storytelling=lots of hazy, saccharine flashbacks*

Renji: Rukia! (*heart?*)
Rukia: Ichigo!
Renji: Ichigo?!
Ichigo: Rukia. Renji--take her away!
Rukia: Ichigo???

*More fighting*
*More court intrigue*
*Useless side characters remain useless*

Episodes 54-60:

*More fighting*
*Baddies flee*

Ichigo: Yay!
Kuchiki Byakuya: Sorry, lil' sis. I was a jackass.
Rukia: You really are my brother-in-law?

End.

P.S. If Soul Society is "Heaven", then it sucks balls.
Worst. Heaven. Ever.

...And yet, I am compelled to watch the rest....