Lately, I've been getting a lot of flack about my signature.
Somewhere over the past 20 or so years since I developed the swirly, jagged scribbling representation of my name, it has evolved into a lazy pair of initials. I still have my library card from the days when they'd first switched the Toronto Public Library systems from punch cards to bar codes--that was the first thing I ever penned my signature on--so I know what it was
supposed to look like.
When I was 17, before the days of swipe cards, a manager at a former place of employment forged my signature on a time sheet so that she could fax it on to HR so we could all get paid. I caught it later and asked about it, to which said manager admitted her crime in the name of expediency. It was fine by me since I had barely done any hours that week and I really didn't care. But when I think about it now, it's kinda dumb to need to rely on something that no one can really verify. It wasn't as if HR was going to call every single employee and ask whether they'd signed their name on the time sheet.
This past month, I got recalled to the driver's licensing office to resign my license renewal because my signature was considered too easy to forge. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do at that point: use a signature that wasn't mine and that I probably wouldn't be able to recreate at a moment's notice? I ended up adding a loopy line and dot that I hadn't previously put in. I really don't think it's going to help. Hell, I don't know if I can duplicate it now--I've been practicing, but it seems forged to me every time.
Then, as I was shopping, I noticed a lot more people asking for my driver's license along with my credit card. Since my driver's license was being renewed, and I didn't have any other picture ID, I looked extra suspicious with a big "temporary" sticker on my card and a signature that looked too easy to duplicate on both.
What I'm trying to figure out is, with all the technology we have with photo ID, and all the abilities we have to cross-reference credit checks, etc., along with the fact that credit ard companies are insured against credit fraud, why are we still relying on a scribble to identify ourselves? What's to say that that bit of handwriting is mine?
"Signing off" on something doesn't make a whole lot of sense in my brain, either. At the workplace, it's a given that, if you sign your initials to something, you are endorsing the legitimacy of a document and all that it contains. Very little, if anything, prevents me from signing someone else's initials, and thus putting the onus of responsibility on someone else.
It all kinda makes me wonder about what celebrities have to deal
with. In the book
Starstruck: When a Fan Gets Close to Fame, the author, who'd been an avid autograph collector, talks to professionals who stalk celebs to get them to sign stuff they can then sell for big bucks. There's a story in there about Courtney Love signing someone else's name on some guy's dress shirt...I think. (Don't quote me on that, I can't remember the details.) And then I think about the hilarious
Simpsons scene at Comic Book Guy's shop: "That is a rare photo of Sean Connery signed by Roger Moore."
Anyhow, how is some poor shmuck shelling out for authentic signed photos supposed to know that's really Tom Cruise's signature (left)? What do they have to compare it to? And really, does a gold seal with yet another signed document verifying its authenticity actually mean something? I can forge that with my color printer and some stickers from the dollar store.
Surely we have the means in this day and age to do iris/thumbprint/DNA scans a la
GATTACA?
Mr. Cruise, can I have a sample of your hair, please?
