It must be love when...

1. She pukes all over you and you don't fling her across the room.

2. You decide you really can spend hours upon hours making stupid faces at her, just to see that smile.

3. You stop referring to her as "the parasite."

4. Changing diapers becomes a skill in your eyes.

5. She has ceased tasting like turkey gravy and more like guilt.

6. Most of your conversations with her sound like this:

You: Ooja-booja-boojah! Goo-goo-goo? Heeeeee!
Her: *quizzical look*
You: Ahm-yahm-yahm eat my hand! You're a strong girl! Yes you are! You're going to eat my hand!
Her: *gnaws on your knuckle*
You: Squeeeee! Who's a funny girl? Who's making funny faces? Hmm? HMM? Goo goo goo goo....
Her: *fart*
You: YAY! Who's a gassy girl? WHO'S A GASSY GIRL??? YOU'RE a gassy girl!! Yes you are!
Her: *grin*

Happy three-monthday, Bowie!

DAEMON!

I am so psyched for the Golden Compass movie...
See a little preview teaser clip...it looks so....boooootiful....
Go find out your daemon now!

First draft picks!

OH THANK GOD, I've finally done the damn thing.

For those of you I haven't told, I've been working on writing my own Harlequin novel. I started writing it in November and I just now finished the first draft. (That thar' be a picture of me typing with my nose, since my hands fell off typing.) Yay me!

It's been six months of weekends and after-work hours in front of my computer trying to make two fickle characters hook up in a slightly conceivable and romantic fashion. Now, a number of you are probably saying, "Aw, but that's easy, all the stories follow a formula..." And while that may be true, I might add that nuclear physics also follows formulas, but that doesn't make it easy to do.

Was it hard? OH GOD, yes. Mostly because characters take on a life of their own, no matter what you try to make them do or how you make them want to act. And since my characters are often brooding, angsty, angry, bitter people with intimacy issues...well, just try to make someone like that fall in love.

Next steps are for me to edit this sucker down to under 65,000 words, the maximum word count for the series I'm pitching it to. And then I'll have to go through the arduous task of editing some more. And more. And more....

I've actually put most of this book through two to three edits already, but it's going to need a lot more spit and polish before I send it out to my beta readers (and for those of you who though fanfiction was just a hobby and would never come in handy, SUCK IT! I have beta readers!)

In the meantime, I'm looking for a pseudonym! A nom de plume, a pen name, an alias, a moniker. Why? Because Vicki So is too short on a book spine, and Harlequin readers don't go for overly-foreign names unless the story is a cultural one.

Got ideas? Come up with a list! Keep in mind, I want something borderline klassy (with a K) but not porntacular. And preferably female. If you can, keep a V in there somewhere.

Whoever comes up with the best name will win a free Harlequin book from my personal library (because I get em for free)! And if my book gets sold (crossing fingers), I'll sign a copy fer ya...it'll be worth millions of pesos one day!

Man pr0n

That's right: Harlequin makes smut for men, too.

While editing books from Don Pendleton's Mack Bolan universe, I realized just how subversively porntacular these stories are. Not in the hot and heavy engorged member kind of way: most of the time, there's never any explicit sex scenes.

In fact, most of these stories deal with international crises that a quasi-official mercenary group from Stony Man farm is usually assigned to clean up. So where's the porn, you ask?

It's in the guns. Lots of them. Big ones, little ones, and everything in between.

That's right, every shootout becomes phallusfest. The heroes barge into a heated situation, stroking their triggers to spray bullets at their enemies. They grunt and cry and groan as bursts of light and sound and force explode all around them. The ensuing orgiastic shower of shrapnel and blood always ends with the triumphant heroes standing over their litterally dozens of vanquished foes who lie twitching (post-orgasm) in pools of their own bodily fluids, dying little and big deaths.

And how do the heroes react to the death they've brought upon these nameless souls?

With a smile, of course.

I know, the gun/knife/sword/weapon as a phallic symbol is pretty old news. But if ever you need to write an essay about it, and you don't want to ready Tom Clancy, Mack is your man.

BUY THESE BOOKS...

Or get them at the library...whatever you do, just get your dirty little hands on them!


The Twlight Lord by Beatrice Small.

This third in erotic fantasy series, The World of Hetar, deals with the kidnapping of a half-faerie woman by the Twilight Lord, a big ol' baddie with--count 'em--TWO wang doodles. His mission: to impregnate her with his spawn who will herald the end of all that is good, like sunshine and puppies.

I wish I had kept up a list of quotes from this books, but let me just say this: the word "rod" is used A LOT...as in "she's been well-rodded" or "his dominant rod pulsed hotly".

Other stunning word to add to your erotic vocabulary include pleasures, manroot, and my personal favourite, rosehole.

It's in trade paperback for $17. If you have that kind of disposable income, this is a great read to stock your bathroom with, right in between that old Archie Double Digest and that issue of Playboy from January 2005.








Of course, if time-travelling Highlanders who fight evil are more your thing, read:

Dark Seduction, by Brenda Joyce.

Part of the Masters of Time series, which follows the exploits of hunky, oversexed magical guys in kilts, this erotic adventure into the 1400's (or 1600's? I can't remember...but does it matter? Warrior men in kilts! SEX!!!), Dark Seduction made me alternately laugh and cry all weekend. Laugh for obvious reason, and cry because I had to edit it.

Mass market paperback for $8. A perfect companion to the Nymph King.