Beefcake!

For my mother's birthday, we took her to a Brazilian Steakhouse called Red Violin on Broadview and Danforth. My sister had been here before, and raved about the food and atmosphere.

Since it was a Tuesday night on one of the first cold days of the season, we were only one of three parties there for dinner, but the setting was very promising, with music and dancing on the weekends.

It was the food that blew my mind. And not just the culinary delight, but the way it was served.

The meal begins with a buffet salad bar that's a meal unto itself. There were, like, a dozen salads to choose from; shrimp, mussels, smoked salmon, cheese, fruit, prosciutto and other anti pasti-type meats, crustinis, greens, and so forth.

When you're ready for the main course, hunky Brazilian men come out with swords.

Barbecued meat on swords.

They slice delicate little pieces for each person at the table. And they keep bringing out more meat. Different kinds of meat. The head waiter said there was something like 15 or 16 varieties. I think we got through all of them. The first three alone were all beef: veal, bacon-wrapped beef, and garlic beef, followed by chicken wings, chicken thighs, bacon-wrapped turkey (because meat wrapped in meat is the best kind of meat), pork, flank steak, lamb, sausage, more steak, more chicken....

It was ridiculous. I ate and ate and ate some more, and even when I was full and my body was screaming at me to stop, I kept eating, undoing the diligent work of a dozen vegetarians. At one point, I put a piece of meat into my mouth and as soon as I tasted it, gagged because I JUST COULDN'T EAT ANY MORE MEAT. I'd OD'd on meat.

Why, you ask, did I subject myself to this and the ensuing sleeplessness, indigestion and discomfort that had me slumped at my desk all day, holding down my gorge?

I think it's summed up in one word: beefcake.

When good-looking Brazilian men with swords are at your beck and call, you just don't say no when they offer you their Brazilian sausage.

Fancy food for a fancy prices, but worth the experience. Just remember to save room for the deep fried bananas and barbecued pineapple.