Tuesday, October 26, 2010

All Hail Jabba the Ford

His High Exaltedness, the great Jabba the Ford, has decreed that you are to be terminated immediately.




In his belly, you will find a new definition of pain and suffering, as you are slowly digested over a thousand years. (Regarding the Sarlaac pit, but probably just as apt a description of ol' Jabba.)

P.S. I would have put Smitherman in Carbonite, but I'm too depressed to.

Friday, October 15, 2010

A Month of Giveaways!

With marketing ramping up on VickiEssex.com, I'm gonna be cross posting a lot of stuff. So bear with me, folks. Making work counts and blogging is sapping my dry.

This is a post about a contest I'm running: go check it out for your chance to win one of four Harlequin vintage prize packs!

A Month of Giveaways!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Publishers Weekly Fan Expo Write Up

My Publishers Weekly blog post write up on Fan Expo is up!

The other author, Heather, and I would love it if you leave comments there!

You can also check out more pics from the con at my Victory Essex blog.

Thanks!

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Dear Tahmoh...

Dear Tahmoh Penikett,

Please stop being so hot. I'm a happily married woman now, but whenever I have to look up your name, which is frequently for some reason, I end up at your Wikipedia page and this picture.


You are way too fine with your OJ and cool, assessing gaze. And the suggestive position of your microphone makes me want to come up and ask you questions.

I love my husband. So four the sake of our happy marriage, please stop being so awesome.

Sincerely,
Vicki.


EDIT: FOR the sake of our happy marriage. Thanks for catching that, Jenny!

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Fan Expo 2010

I spent a long time trying to decide whether or not to go to Fan Expo this year, but after a long deliberation--and an announcement that said Tahmoh Penikett was making an appearance--I decided to get tickets for John and I for Friday, the least busy day of the con.

Boy, was I ever wrong about that. There was a two-hour lineup stretching around the block of the Metro Toronto Convention Centre. I had to stay because Publishers Weekly asked me to be a cub reporter and do a write-up of the event. (Link to come soon, I hope!)

On top of that, I made this video of the queue. Enjoy!

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Awake

I was lying in bed eyes wide-open for the past...hour? Two hours? And my body has decided it no longer requires sleep. That, in combination with my ridiculously full belly and threatening heartburn, has forced me from my bed

So here I am at the crack of dawn, around 6:25 a.m. checking a Twitter feed that has stopped chirping, with some mind to go and edit my YA book.

Right. Like anything will be coherent at this hour.

Just so you have an idea of how early it is: Even the cat is still asleep. Which wouldn't be news, except that he's usually awake at the slightest indication of us stirring.

I'm trying to decide whether I should concede defeat and brush my teeth now so I'm fully "up"--writing with morning breath is awful, and I can still taste dinner.

My real hope is that I'll start to fade again and have to crawl back into bed around 8:00 a.m., when the rest of the world is just getting up to put on their Sunday bests.

Okay, early-morning blathering over. Going to try to "work" now.

Monday, August 16, 2010

Why Can't I Quit You?

It's come to my attention that there are certain faces among Hollywood's up-and-coming elite that have been inspiring a certain amount of fascination and terror in my heart whenever I see them on screen. I don't know if there's a common thread, but I decided to put up all their faces and decide what it is about them that freaks me out and simultaneously draws me in.

Cillian Murphy: I first saw him in Batman Begins as the Scarecrow/Dr. Jonathan Crane. His pretty blue eyes and chiseled features would draw sighs from any red-blooded woman. And then I noticed the thinness of his lips, which seemed to be in a perpetual pucker, and the deadness of his eyes, as if whatever powers brought him back to life failed to reanimate those parts of him. It's a perfect trait for the creepy Batman villain, so I thought, great performance. And then I saw him in Inception, and lo and behold, the pucker, the dead eyes...I was thoroughly creeped out, but I couldn't stop looking at him. Or appreciating his talent, of course.

Zachary Quinto: The essential charismatic psychopath, I would get Quinto to play just about any killer. His performance in Heroes as Sylar is beyond compare, and his Spock is bang-on. Aside from being a terrific murderer, he's also a horribly convincing nice guy, which automatically slots him in the love-him-but-don't-trust-him category of men you want in the sack but shouldn't close your eyes around. I'd love to see him play Machiavelli in some twisted biopic, perhaps directed by Tim Burton.





Kieran Culkin: To paraphrase a certain Joss Whedonverse character, he's a little bit Chess Club for my usual beat, but after seeing him play "cool gay roommate" Wallace in Scott Pilgrim vs. The World, I was charmed. Such casual ease. Such debonair grace. Of course it was all acting, and I've never seen him in anything else, but he did a fabulous job convincing me I'd want to try getting him to bat for the girls. Or is that boys? I'm bad at metaphors. Be not gay, in any case.

Still, that pasty Culkin complexion and greasy hair is really not my thing. Nor are the vampire-red wet lips. Really, I think he should have been cast in Twilight. He wouldn't have needed much makeup.


Alan Tudyk: The Firefly alum falls more on the side of attractive than not, mainly due to his performance as Wash. I mean, who wouldn't want a guy who plays with dinosaurs piloting your ship? He's like that cool uncle who brings you video games your mom would never let you have and lets you stay up past your bedtime watching horror flicks while drinking orange soda.

But then I started seeing him in not so nice guy roles. His guest appearance on CSI as a rehabilitated child molester freaked me right the hell out. And then he pulled the creep-guns out again in Dollhouse as mastermind maniac Alpha, and again as an agent of the Visitors in V. Love him, stay the hell away from him...I can do both, right?


Who creeps you out who you can't get enough of?

Friday, August 13, 2010

DO NOT WANT AGAIN!

Her Cinderella Secret got rejected by The Wild Rose Press.


Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Epithets and Gender: a Douche Bag's Musings

After reading the comments from my entry into the TRW's Gold contest, I noticed at least two of the judges picked out "prick" as being an epithet associated with men and thus incorrect when referring to a woman.

I have been pondering the gender assignments of epithets since, and trying to determine if or whether there is a higher number of gender-specific epithets for men because there are simply more words to describe male genitalia, or because the association is based on social interaction, where insults among men are sometimes a part of male bonding.

Or is it because I don't know that many words to negatively describe a woman?

The other question I have is about why certain terms seem to be gender specific. It's rare you hear about women being called dickwads, assholes or pricks, for instance. The go-to seems to be bitch or the C-word, if you're feeling particularly vituperative.

And then there are the head-scratchers. For example, whenever I hear the term "Douche bag" I associate it with the male gender, even though a douche bag is a product used mainly by women. "Motherf*cker" is normally associated with men (with Oedipal complexes, I assume), but you never hear people say "fatherf*cker." I don't know what to make of "twat" either.

Don't get me started on homosexual insults--that's a can of worms I'm not going to open in this post.

Feel free to comment, add to the list, give your two cents.



WARNING: The content below will definitely offend some people.





Words to describe men:
Dick (dickwad, dickhead, etc.), prick, douche bag, asshole, bastard, jerk (jerkface, jerkwad, etc.), motherf*cker, wanker...


Words to describe women:
Bitch, c*nt, whore, slut...

Sunday, August 08, 2010

Made the finals!

My MMA-based contemporary romance novel Fighting for Her Love made the finals for the Toronto Romance Writers' Gold contest!

Read the good news here.

Three Kangaroos

I've reclaimed the printer/scanner and installed the drivers so I can provide more of my elementary nonsense for the masses.

This is from a book of dictated stories, in which the student draws a picture and then tells a story to go with it, which the teacher writes down. I believe was from grade one.

Apparently, kangaroos like milk and picnics. Note the rainbow birds piled atop each other.


Monday, August 02, 2010

SQUEE!

I have been coveting the Avatar: The Last Airbender -- The Art of the Animated Series book since it came out. It's an Avatard's dream.

I read the book cover to cover on the drive to and back from Bruce Peninsula. All I can say is wow. I mean, WOW. You never think about the detail and thought that goes into a show like this until you really sit down to study it all frame by frame. There's a reason for everything in this show, and studying the design has only increased my appreciation for the series...and made me want to rewatch it for those little things I missed the first time.

Love the insider notes from creators Bryan and Mike. Foreward by M. Night Shyamalan is grudgingly entertaining. But let's not speak of his atrocities when we have such pretty shinies to look at, hmm?

No, you can't borrow it. Okay, well, maybe, if you read it in front of me while wearing gloves.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Avatar: The Legend of Korra

I'm still squeeing about this.

“The Legend of Korra takes place 70 years after the events of ‘Avatar: The Last Airbender’ and follows the adventures of the Avatar after Aang - a passionate, rebellious, and fearless teenaged girl from the Southern Water Tribe named Korra.”

Korra’s quest eventually leads her to Republic City - the epicenter of the world of “Avatar.” A metropolis powered by steampunk-type technology, the city is inhabited by people from all nations. Korra finds that Republic City suffers from rampant crime and is also dealing with an anti-bender revolt. Korra is tutored by Aang’s son, Tenzin, is the ways of airbending."

Interesting things I'm looking forward to:

1. New set design. Seventy years means a lot of technological advances. The designers did such a terrific job painting the Avatar world that adding more steampunk to it might detract from the beautiful traditional Asian setting, but considering how awesome some of the sets look, I'm not too worried.

2. Korra. The new Avatar will likely be taking a more traditional path towards training for her career. And considering the bulk of the ATLA audience have been women ages 14-40 (and older!), it will be very interesting to see where the series takes the viewers in what was previously a primarily boys 9-12 viewership.

More specifically, I want to know:
a) What will Korra's spirit guide be? (Roku had a dragon, Aang had Appa...)
b) Will she Bloodbend? (Please say yes.)
c) What nation will her love interest be from? I'm voting fire...because I bet Bryan and Mike are going to squeeze that Zutara in somehow... And yes, don't doubt for a minute that there won't be a romance subplot. Teenage female Avatar? It begs for a YA romance.

3. Tenzin. It's terrific we'll get to see the next generation carry on, an important theme in the ATLA universe. Considering our happy little Airbender would have died at age 83 (the series ends when he's about 13), I can only imagine Aang's son being adult-aged: heck, he could be an old man or, if Aang was particularly virile, a teenager himself. Will he take after his father? Will he resent the fact that he has to contend with yet another Avatar? Will he resent and brood over the fact that he is one of the last Airbenders? (Or is he...?)

4. Whatever happened to...? Everyone still has questions about Zuko's mom, about the Spirit World, about all our favorite characters. Perhaps a few flashbacks will resolve those issues and satisfy our curiosity.

2011 can't come soon enough, and it'll probably be late in arriving...that's okay, though. I waited 3 years for the Shyamalan movie, I'll wait however long I need to to wash its taint with this glorious new series.


SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!

OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD!!!!

New Avatar: The Last Airbender animated series announced!!!

Nickelodeon has officially announced that a sequel to the critically acclaimed “Avatar: The Last Airbender” is the works! From the creator-producers of “Avatar: The Last Airbender,” “The Legend of Korra” (tentatively titled) animated series is slated to premiere in 2011. According to Nickelodeon executive Brown Johnson, the new series will follow the adventures of a teenage Water Tribe girl avatar named Korra (pictured above presumably), described as a independent hothead “ready to take on the world.”

Perhaps this will wash away the taint of Shyamalan's film....

Friday, July 02, 2010

The Last Airbender in Five Stages of Grief

Denial – Surely this can't be the movie Shyamalan intended. No, hell, no, they didn't spend $150 million and 3 years on this, the live action version on my most beloved show ever.

Anger – No. NO! How can this be happening? How can you say that? Aang! And it's Ang not Ahhng; stop talking! Stop it! Act! For God's sake, act the way you do kung-fu! Gaah! Shyamalan, what have you done?!

Bargaining – C'mon, just...just get us through this with the giant Ocean Spirit rising up and pushing the Fire Nation out to sea and everything will be okay. Just give us the Deus Ex we need for this series to be something and it will all be good, and I swear, if Aang just says "No. It's not over," I will watch this film twice more and watch the sequels three times each!

Depression – Noooooo...nooooo.... Oh God, why.... No, Katara, stop talking. Your expositions means nothing...nothing.... I'll never be able to tell anyone I'm an ATLA fan ever again....

Acceptance – *sigh* We'll always have the TV series. Really, it's a shame they never made a live action film. THEY NEVER MADE A LIVE ACTION FILM. (Go to step 1.)

Review: M. Night Shyamalan`s The Last Airbender

There's no way I can say this gracefully. Let this screenshot from the original series say it all.



M. Night. Shyamalan's The Last Airbender was HORRIFIC.

Forget about the Racebending issues. Forget that James Cameron scooped the proper title "Avatar". Forget that the movie cost $150 million to make.

This movie sucked without any assistance.

I mean, it's not just ho-hum. Not just bad. Not just "It was a poor adaptation of a beloved cartoon series" the way Transformers was. Or even G.I. Joe. Or Garfield. Or...or...

*SOB*
*cries in my hands*
*curls up into fetal position*

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

The handful of redeeming qualities--beautifully-rendered translation of the settings and the world, sparing nods to the fandom, and special effects that blend classic wire-guideline kung-fu with excellent CGI--do not make up for the utter unwatchability of this movie.

Now, maybe I'm extremely discerning and biased, considering I've turned everyone I've encountered toward the cult of Avatar: The Last Airbender. But I'm also a writer, and that critical eye was absolutely dazzled by the ineptness of this film.

Gods, where do I start...

1. The script and storyline. You would think that Shyamalan would have been able to pull the juiciest, most potent lines from an existing TV series and created a script worthy of a condensed version of Book One: Water. You'd think he would have been able to cut away the fat and present this classic tale of the reluctant hero out to save the world with minimum distractions. I still contend he did it well in Signs, Unbreakable, and The Sixth Sense, regardless of other feelings about his later films. (I haven't watched anything since The Village...so obviously I'm missing a chunk of his career that would have given me some insight, I'm sure....)

But no. Despite having a 61-episode cartoon series that has effectively proven that its target audience is not made up of complete morons who need to be spoon-fed everything, Shyamalan turned Last Airbender into a vanity project and decided to make the world his own. (The credits state he is the writer, director and producer of the film, so we can blame him squarely for everything.)

He only rewrote a few of the rules (e.g. firebenders can't create their own fire, only manipulate it) but he decided EVERYTHING had to be explained. From the scrolling text introduction (NO. BAD SHYAMALAN. Only Star Wars is allowed to do that!) to Katara's incessant voice over (thanks, Katara, I can see the Sokka and Yue are interested in each other, thanks for not trusting the actors) this movie was filled with tell, not show; words, not action.

We can see little to no development of Aang's (irritatingly pronounced pronounced Ahhng in the film instead of Ang in the TV series) character. Every word out of his mouth made me cringe. He might as well have turned to the screen, broken the fifth wall and said, "This is where I'm supposed to show you how inspiring I can be, even if all I seem like is a young kid."

The script and story structure was cheesy, cliche, bland, drawn-out, and at times non-sensical, and it did nothing to evoke any sentiment whatsoever. It was alternatively too short to relate the epic tale, yet way too long in its pacing. It was heavy handed, repetitive, and just plain bad. I know dozens of fanfic writers who could have written more convincing and interesting dialogue. Hell, by the end of it, I was pretty certain I could cobble together a better script.


2. The acting. To be fair, these poor slobs, including Slumdog Millionaire's Dev Patel, didn't have a whole lot to work with. There were brief flashes of real skill, but I can only imagine Shyamalan suppressed it. I've only ever seen this level of acting constipation in Star Wars: Episodes 1, 2 and 3.

Jackson Rathborn as Sokka (Sew-ca in this film version vs. the canon Saw-ca) looked like he was ready to burst in every scene. Katara was whiny, and reminiscent of Buffy the Vampire Slayer's Dawn, except without any of the subtlety or teenage torment. And Noah Ringer...geez, I don't know where they got this kid, but they should have relegated him to stunt double and put an actual actor in his place. He tried, he really did. But that script did absolutely nothing to help.

On the Fire Nation's side, Shaun Taub's Iroh (pronounced Ear-roe, instead of canon Eye-roe) was the only passable performance. I kept expecting Aasif Mandvi's Zhao to start every line with, "Well, John..."; and Dev Patel seemed like he was phoning it in...except that he was drunk-dialing an ex-girlfriend at 2 a.m. Appropriate, perhaps, for poor, tortured Zuko, but we all know he's capable of better. I continue to blame M. Night.


3. The editing. Perhaps the rush to turn this feature into 3D one forced someone to choose the splashy scenes over the goods ones. But since I watched this in 2D, I can say that making this 3D definitely won't help.

Part of me thinks there's a much better movie on the cutting-room floor. It felt like there were huge gaps in the story; of course, you're going to lose a lot of the nuances and breadth and depth when you try to pack 440 minutes of cartoon into less than 2 hours, but there were no acts that could be easily distinguished, no subtle turning points, nothing that indicated to the viewers, okay, the real world is at an end, let the journey begin; and now, that's over, here's the dark moment. We were instead treated to a lot of really slow, drawn-out martial arts scenes--beautiful, except that this is supposed to be a world where people bend. For whatever reason, Shyamalan didn't put in the thing that this movie is supposed to be about: manipulating elements. All I can think is that they ran out of time and money, having spent it entirely on doctoring a doomed script.

And on that topic of martial arts, if it takes a whole bunch of flips and punches to get one fireball to hit a guy, I think I'd rather have a bow and arrow, thanks.

By the end of it all, John and I both agreed this film could use a Phantom Edit.


Okay, major issues aside, there actually were a few things fans of the show could appreciate. Shyamalan does massacre the film, but out of necessity, he's taken a decidedly different route to tell what should have been an epic tale. We see scenes that never existed in the original series. We see nods to the show he is a huge fan of, starting with shots ripped straight from the opening credits.

The score by James Howard Newton was pretty good, blending classical epic fantasy with traditional Asian instruments.

Costumes were great. Sets were great. It was the most of the Avatar world realized.

I loved Appa and Momo, though they barely had roles in the films.

Did I have an issue with the racial profiles of characters? Not really. But the script was so bad you could have had anyone in these roles and it would have been terrible.

If Shyamalan was trying to appease the fans, he missed the mark. There's no doubt Avatards will rush to see this film that's been +3 years in the making. In fact, I'd encourage all fans to see it, just so that you understand how good the series is and learn why it's sometimes better to leave well enough alone. What is in doubt is whether enough of them will see it to produce Books 2 and 3.

Bottom line: this is yet another failure to adapt a story geared toward the young adult set for Hollywood's mass audiences. In this case, it was about as fail-tastic as it could get. If Shyamalan wants to have any hand in another film, he'd best take the producer's chair and keep his cursed mitts off anything he loves if he wants it to do well. Now that would be a twist ending.

*DESPAIR*

The Last Airbender reviews have been DISGRACEFUL.

I would have thought it would eke out at least at 50%. I thought they would at least beat out Eclipse.

But no. Not since Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li have I seen Rotten Tomatoes ratings this low.

I feel bad for everyone involved. Especially Shyamalan.

Of course, that doesn't mean I won't still go see it. And I have to remind myself that Hollywood bases sequels on box office numbers, not reviews.

Still, at 9% Rotten, I doubt the film will draw any new fans, which would have been vital to those revenues.

Will be back soon with my review. *Cries with my face buried in Appa's fur*