Taken to new lows...or possibly some old ones

Saw Liam Neeson in Taken this weekend--and while I was happy to see Darkman get back to his shadowy action roots, I came out of the theatre unable to shake the feeling I'd just watched a violent movie version of Super Mario Bros.

Roughly, the plot goes like this: ex-spy's (Neeson's) daughter gets kidnapped by foreigners running prostitution ring. He ruthlessly pursues her, going through progressively more evil international bad guys and leaving a trail of bodies behind him, desperate to find her before the 96-hour window before she disappears for good closes.

Neeson shoots a lot of people, uses that"very special set of skills" he keeps talking about in the commercials to track down the next boss/his daughter. There are car chases and martial arts and shootouts. And a guy getting hit by a truck.

Among the axis of boss characters/baddies/levels are Sri Lankans, the French, Americans, and finally, some vaguely Middle Eastern baddies whose boss character is a fat sheik I fingered as Bowser right away. (Dude even lives on a castle ship!)

At first, I was okay with this plot because espionage hijinks and violence done well can be brainlessly enjoyable. What bothered me about this tale, apart from the fact that there weren't enough Goombas around, was that like Rollerball, Taken is yet another example of a film in which an American is forgiven all his crimes because the idea of what he is doing is somehow "right." In Rollerball, "Freedom" trumped the lives of dozens of dark-skinned people who'd been killed in action. In Taken, "Family Values" are king.

Not that any father would be blamed for flipping out and torturing and killing a guy for kidnapping his daughter. But at one point (SPOILER ALERT) he shoots his French secret-agent friend (fatally) and his completely innocent wife (twice, nonfatally) after he discovers the man has been taking bribes from the kidnappers.

And there were young children in the house while he was doing this, too.

Dude. C'mon. The kids. They don't have a father now, thanks to you, and their mom's been shot in the arm and leg. Seriously, who's going to make their cereal in the morning? I'm sure even Jack Bauer knows the boundaries.

The second make-me-go-crazy bit of imperialist dogma stems from the fact that the brunette Princess is only spared a whore's fate by the fact that she is a virgin and therefore more valuable on the female meat market. Meanwhile, her slutty blond friend ("Omigod, they got Amanda!") dies a horrible death, having overdosed on heroin in one of the brothels Neeson shoots his way into.

We never see the Princess grieve for her. She gets back to her mom and step-dad in California, all smiles and hugs. And Neeson walks off into the sunset, knowing he's done his job, saved his kid and only killed about seventy people in the process. No one's knocking on his door and asking for his to please come with them. No letters of outrage or lawsuits. Nothing. Neeson's untouchable and infallible.

Overall rating: don't pay full price for this flick. And if you do, try singing the Mario Theme Song quietly to yourself throughout. It might make it that much more enjoyable.

HOLY WTFERY. I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW MAD THIS MAKES ME....

WARNING: RANT AHEAD.

Okay, WTF is this????

http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?cl=7515797

And in case that link doesn't work:
http://video.yahoo.com/watch/2421486

NBC.com posted this stupid piece of shit on Yahoo! reporting on how the rising prices of gasoline are affecting Americans' way of life...so much so, apparently, that NBC is reporting they are picking gas over food.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

Now, I try not to stand on my soap box if I can help it, because, inevitably, someone will throw something at my head and call me a sanctimonious hypocrite since I live in North America (Canada) and must, therefore, somehow be living the same lifestyle I am criticizing. Let me go on to say I do not own a car; I also live in a big city, and bring my own reusable bags to the grocery store. I eat meat, and exhale carbon dioxide. And true, sometimes, I like to buy shoes I'll only wear twice...so maybe I'm not the paragon of virtue worthy of ranting....

But I digress. And this report still makes me mad.

Roughly, the story is this: coverage of rising gas prices has elicited e-mails from dumbshit viewers who are angry about the things they have to give up so they can fill their SUVs and pickup trucks.

"You can imagine the sacrifices Americans are having to make to afford gas at that price," says the reporter, who leads with an interview from November 2007 with one man who claims he has had to cut down on the number of times he takes his family to church services--at a church 35 to 40 miles away--because of the rise in fuel prices. The reporter's summation was that rising gas prices had affected his family's relationship with God.

Okay, 1) what the hell is he doing driving 40 miles to church? I am sure you can find a place of worship much closer. God won't punish you for it. And there is nothing wrong with taking the bus!

2) If your faith is being affected by something as worldly and mundane as gas prices, you need to revisit your religion and ask yourself what the real deal is, because as forgiving as deities are, I'm pretty sure "I'm too cheap to pray and believe at home" is not an excuse.

The most ironic things about this one interview? The man is driving an SUV.

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

But the WTFery doesn't end there:

"I have had to cut back on after-school activities because I cannot afford to take them or pay for the activities anymore," writes V. Smith.

Now, this may not be a case of dumbshitedness on behalf of a viewer--I blame an utter lack of context for this quote if it has been misinterpreted by the reporter, who seemed to go out of her way to not ask any questions or do any interviews.

In fact, extracurricular activities do cost money sometimes...and time and gas, both of which are in short supply and high in cost for the modern American these days.

But doesn't that just point to the fact that the education system and the government is failing to provide enough funding and resources to schools so that children can expand their life experiences in simple things like soccer games, field trips, art classes and music lessons? What happened to giving our kids the best start in life?

The report gets even better...

"Some people even say that they are changing their diets, cutting down on costly prescription drugs, or walking instead of driving to their local grocery store. All in hopes of saving money on gasoline."

1) Changing their diets, huh? You mean, no more scarfing down Big Macs from the drive-thru every night? Dude, what does a change in diet even mean? Are they changing for the better? Eating more fruits and veggies, say? Or are they being forced to eat more fast food? Or are they eating their own kin now? This is just bad reporting--a non sequitur, at best.

2) Cutting down on prescription drugs: I'm sure someone more educated than I could go on about how a complete and utter lack of national health care has basically generated this problem. But I'm not that smart. I am, however, just perceptive enough to see gas prices are not the reason why prescription drugs are expensive: it's the pharmaceutical companies who make the prices for life-saving drugs stupidly high. I might also add that choosing to fill up your car's gas tank over, say, getting your next hit of insulin to control your diabetes...probably a bad choice to make.

3) Walking to your local grocery store? THE HORROR!!! How else will I get to show off my phallic status symbol, if not to the SUV-driving soccer moms who can barely afford to take their kids to practice?

But let's move on from this WTFery, shall we?

"It's a burden for many of families, but especially for the little ones...."

OH, WON'T SOMEONE THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

"...As Barabara Hatfield writes: 'It's not fair to have to tell your children that we have to eat a much smaller meal this evening or skip breakfast because we had to buy gas.'"

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
Seriously. SERIOUSLY???
"Sorry, Billy, no second helping for you--Mommy needs to drive to work."
Lady, your priorities are totally messed up. LET YOUR KIDS EAT. What does an apple cost these days? Certainly not $4.00 a gallon.

Okay, just to be fair and not some liberal elitist neophyte pundit who obviously doesn't know what she's talking about and knows nothing about the working class, maybe this woman is in dire straits: maybe she can't get to her job because she lives on the outskirts of town and makes less than minimum wage. Maybe she drives a cab for a living. Maybe public transit is so bad, only the truly desperate would use it. Maybe everyone she knows hates her and won't let her carpool. Maybe her bicycle got stolen. Maybe her EV1 was taken away. Who knows?

What I'm winding down to is that all of this is a part of a larger systemic problem rooted in the American standard-of-living mindset:

Big houses. Big cars. Sprawling suburban residential neighborhoods that are not pedestrian friendly, include no local small businesses to supplement regular household necessities, thus making a car not a luxury, but a necessity unto itself.

People, this is wrong.

It's not a crime to not own a car, or live in denser cities, or have jobs and places of recreation you can walk to. It's not a crime to want to have a lifestyle that doesn't include driving everywhere you go; or even driving a smaller, more efficient and, dare I say, eco-friendly alternative energy vehicles.

What is a crime is thinking we have some god-given right to have everything we have without sacrificing something. And I'm not just talking about the out-of-pocket costs that make us decide to buy KD for dinner instead of fresh vegetables to make a salad because KD fills you up better and is a cheaper deal than perishable foods. There are economic, political and environmental costs. Costs that, though they may not seem evident at first, will come to kick you hard in the ass, and even harder in the wallet at a later date.

Now ask yourself: What are the REAL sacrifices Americans are making so they can afford gas?


Disclaimer: this is not a reflection of my views on all Americans--just the stupid ones. I might add there are plenty of equally stupid Canadians and others around the world.

Better as a RENTal

So, I went to see RENT tonight.

Now, this is one of the few times I've walked into a musical totally blind, so my review will probably be skewed.

First off, I have to say that the performances were INCREDIBLE. Every single singer and dancer was absolutely supreme. Dancing, singing, acting...it was all terrific.

As for the musical itself...well, it started off with a bang, but by the second act, the plot started to lag, morals and themes fell apart, and the obvious came to pass without the climax one would expect from this kind of production.

Except for a couple of numbers (power ballad One Song Glory, and feel-good kumbaya Seasons of Love), the songs were unmemorable, though again, the performances were phenomenal. But I imagine my opinion was due to the fact that my listening experience was tainted by having seen Team America: World Police and this number:



(Insert here: Vicki unable to stop singing "AIDS- AIDS, AIDS-AIDS, AIDS, AIDS-AIDS-AIDS...")

If you can't afford the tickets, rent the movie version (with Taye Diggs, who can make just about anything watchable). I haven't seen it, but I imagine it makes the whole story line a little more cohesive.