BUY MY BOOK, DAMMIT

Frequently Asked Questions About My Book

Title: Her Son's Hero

Publisher: Harlequin Superromance (#1718)

Author: Vicki Essex

ISBN-13: 978-0-373-71718-7

1. So, it's a romance, right? 'Cuz I don't read romances.

Yeah, it's a romance. And you're a liar: you've read romances, you just don't think they are because other things happen in them. And I didn't say you actually had to READ my book, just BUY it.

2. So, what's it about?

Go check out the Books page on my author website. Though, do you really need to know? All you have to do it BUY MY BOOK.

3. How much is it?

Go check it out on the Harlequin.com website. The price ranges around $5-$7. There is a large print, regular print and ebook version. They are all readily available through Amazon, Chapters, your local Walmart, drugstores, grocery stores...pretty much anywhere they sell Harlequin books, which is a LOT of places. BUT...

4. It's only on shelves for a MONTH????

The Harlequin business model means category romances only stay in stores until the next month's books come in. After that, you'll only find hard copies in used bookstores, libraries, and the occasional smaller store. The ebook will be available indefinitely on the Harlequin website. So BUY MY BOOK BEFORE THE END OF AUGUST. 'Cuz after that, you're SOL.

5. Well, what if I just pirate it?

Then you're a bastard, and I'm going to roll you for your latte money next time I see you walking down the street.

6. Is there sex in it?

Yes, there is one sex scene. But the book is mainly about the romantic conflict between the hero and heroine, and while the attraction smolders, you won't find any "throbbing members." At least, I'm pretty sure you won't. If you're a prude, you can easily skip the sex scene without missing much.

7. Will you sign my book?

I'd love to...but you'll do everyone a huge favor if you attend one of my signings. Check out my website for details.

8. Are you writing more?

Yup.

I SOLD MY MOTHER#$^&*$#@ BOOK!!!!!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Go to my new website and read the story of how it happened! Then bookmark my website and visit it every day! DO IT DO IT DO IT!!!

Vickiessex.com

Golden Heart scores

Here are the scores for the Golden Heart 2010.

I'd entered Fighting for Her Love pre-second-round edits (after my interview with Victoria Curran). Can't help but wonder how it would score now.

I finished in the second quarter. Yay?

Do. Not. Want.

Her Cinderella Secret has been rejected once again.

*sigh*

Back to ye ol' drawing board...

Cross-posted from Victory's March.

Do. Not. Want.

*Sigh.*

My MMA romance novel got rejected by Harlequin Superromance. Not because of the quality of writing, but because of the lack of a more solid romantic conflict.

Go read the post-mortem on Victory Essex's blog--I got to interview senior editor Victoria Curran about it, and what came out of the hour-long talk was very enlightening.

Fighting for Her Love--Draft One COMPLETE!

Finished my first draft of my third novel, Fighting for Her Love!

WOOT!!!111ONE!!!

By the second half, it flowed like water, which I attribute to the fact that I did a lot of planning beforehand. Also, I talked out a lot of points with a critique group at the Toronto Romance Writers, and they really helped me nail down the character arcs and themes. So yay, thanks to them for all their help!

I'm really pleased with this story. It helped that I had a lot of inspiration (thanks to the sexy cover of February's Men's Fitness magazine) and just understood my characters' motivations. I came to the end of the story going "ahh" instead of "meh" as I have for the last two books. Also, I actually managed to write to word count this time, instead of over writing and then cutting! Awesome!

And now, the fun editing begins...*groan*...

I might let this rest for a couple of weeks and re-work Star Attraction. I've yet to submit that book to anyone, and should really try to before November.

Whew....I feel really good!

Golden Heart 2009 Results

My score sheet from the 2009 Golden Heart Contest:


I think it's interesting to see the judges' ranking here: Judge 2's score of 2 out of 10 tells me either he/she was having a bad day, he/she is a harsh judge, or he/she really, really, REALLY didn't like my work.

I admit, it could probably use a little work (Read: a lot of work). After a year or so of sitting on it, I think I can probably shave it down, tweak a bunch of things, write a better synopsis, tighten up the plot and so forth. But such is the business of writing. I can always do better. Judging it on my own, now, after having spent more time on other projects with lots of hindsight, I'd say it's probably a 6.2, Judge 3's assessment.

Well, back to the ol' drawing board on that one.

On a separate note, I got a letter from Harlequin Mills & Boon acknowledging the receipt of my partial for Her Cinderella Secret (formerly known as All in the Details). Why they bothered to spend the money on postage rather than call or send an email is beyond me.

I suppose a letter is nice, but whenever you get a thin little envelope from a publishing house, your heart usually sinks to your feet. In this case it went from, "Awwww, man..." to "Oh," to "Aw, geez, now I have to wait some more."

Moments in which I wish I had better forethought/judgment....

Me, writing a steamy hot first-kiss scene for my third book, Fighting for Her Love...while on the public bus, with a wide-eyed Filipino nanny reading over my shoulder:

Me: [typing] A low growl emitted from his throat. The temperature of her skin went from frigid to flaming in seconds, and a buzz started low in her gut, a primal reaction that echoed Dom's almost feral snarl of possession. His hands raked through her hair, across her shoulders and circled around her waist. She was lost in heady lust as he backed her against the edge of the dining room table, its lip pressing into her waist, the unmistakable...

[thinking] ...evidence of his arousal? Naw, that's so cliche....

[typing] ...jut of his arousal grazing her belly. She let his palms, big, strong and capable, caress massage squeeze cup her aching breasts through the too-thin fabric of her sundress....

This was almost like that time I read my first Harlequin Blaze while sitting in a Tim Hortons and nearly choked on my tea...oh, for those more virginal days....

First in a series!

In my ultra-dorkiness, I am starting a series of pictures of me and authors whose paths I cross at Harlequin. I've been meaning to do this for a while, and today I finally managed to start my collection. I've also been keeping a collection of all my autographed books. One day, I might get to read them all....

Here's me and New York Times bestselling author Carla Neggers, signing her latest, The Angel. This was taken with my cell phone, so pardon the fuzziness.


I haven't read The Angel, but I did read Betrayals, and it was fantastic. You can read my review of the book here.

Recession? What recession?

Harlequin's sales are up 32%. Because romance does well when times are tough.

Awesome feature from Nightline featuring celebrities reading from a steam selection of our books!

Watch it here.

Writer's Update

1. My first book, All in the Details has been renamed: Her Cinderella Secret is prepped and ready to go out to Mills & Boon Tender Romance this week. Slush pile, here I come!

2. My third book, Fighting for Her Love, was on hiatus, but I'm tuned back in now! I hope to get a more comprehensive first draft done by October, at the latest.

3. I'm playing Dungeons and Dragons next weekend. I thought it might help my storytelling skills and imagination so that I can figure out my young adult novel heroine, Ohi Mimare. In DnD, she's a level 1 albino Eladrin rogue who's pursuing whoever tried to murder her adopted father. In my head, she's an outcast albino girl bent on solving the mystery of some stuff that goes on...er...yeah....

4. My second book, Star Attraction, did not make the Golden Heart finals. I'll post the scores as soon as they come in the mail. Back to the ol' drawing board....

5. My other book starring someone who is looking and sounding more and more like Simon Pegg in my mind is on hold. I'm stuck, though the characters are floating in the back of my head, banging on my skull to continue. I wish they wouldn't do that.

On reading:

I'm recharging with a little happy reading of Deanna Raybourn's latest in the Lady Julia Grey novels. She's my favorite Regency author by far. Go out and buy Silent on the Moor...but don't tell me what happens! I'm not done with it yet!

I'm giving up on Pride and Prejudice. I might settle for either Marvel Comic's Pride and Prejudice, or the very popular Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. In either instance, at least there'd be pictures, and violence in at least one of these retellings. Maybe I'll just rent the BBC miniseries and be done with it.

Have a pile of research books to read about MMA and karate. Also, still haven't figured out how to set the speed dial on my new cell phone, so I need to read the manual.

Got a great bookmark from John: it has a kitty wearing a sweater and the words "And THEN what happened?" printed all over it.

Pretty much sums up the plot bunnies and constipated cats of curiosity eating up the grass of my time and energy.

So much to do...

Harlequin featured on This Hour Has 22 Minutes

"...and takes place in nineteenth-century Scotland."

Hilarious. (Click on Harlequin Romance clip on the right side.)

It's for research. I swear.

My latest writing project features an MMA fighter as the hero who needs to get his Octagon prowess back before a championship match. So it gives me a good excuse to watch this. Not just because Georges Hummena-Hummena-Hummena Rush St. Pierre's in it, either. Besides, who can resist a little MMA, KOs, and T & A?

How Not to Write

Best. Purple prose. Ever.

I don't think I have a favorite line...but "Your eyes are the sound of rain" ranks pretty high up on my list of OMGWTFHAHAHAHA lines.

The book is called Silk & Steel by Ron Miller, published by Ace Fantasy, 1992.

It is NOT a Harlequin novel.

Thanks to vandonovan at LiveJournal.

FREE STUFF!!!

Today marks Harlequin Enterprises's 60th anniversary!

Go to www.harlequincelebrates.com and you can download a free full book from a fabulous selection of 16 different romances, ranging from Inspirational Christian romance to racy Blaze to Paranormal Romance to NASCAR-branded goodness!

Who can pass up free stuff in these dark economic times?
Now, go! DO IT, DO IT, DO IT!!!

I MUST GET THIS BOOK

...And so must YOU.

Because no one does it like Smart Bitches (see the permanent link on my sidebar.)

Reading for a snowed-in day

Manga + Bookish Secretary + Sexy Mysterious Demanding Boss + Vampires = THIS.




Thanks to Smart Bitches for posting the link. Happy reading!

Attention Consumers: Love is now as disposable as your cell phone!

Why does the end of this commercial make me want to duck my head?



Now you, too, can purchase love and dispose of it as easily as you do your cell phone. 'Cause, let's face it, the way your relationships have been going, a 3-year contract is about the maximum you can deal with before you decide to trade up for a nicer model.

Romance! Scandal! PRON!!!

Hey! I was writing that!

From Forbes.com:

Earlier this month, Germany's richest woman, and one of its most private, shocked the world when she came forward with a torrid tale of a love affair gone terribly wrong.

Susanne Klatten, who owns of 12.5 per cent of BMW, the automaker her late father ran, admitted to having been blackmailed by her lover, Helg Sgarbi. Authorities say Sgarbi and an accomplice secretly videotaped intimate moments of the affair and, beginning in the fall of 2007, threatened to make videos public if she didn't give them millions of euros.

In January, rather than let herself be extorted, the married mother of three filed a criminal complaint with the Munich prosecutor's office alleging fraud and blackmail. The investigation, which is ongoing, led to the arrest of the two men, who are now in jail, Sgarbi in Munich and his alleged accomplice in his native Italy. No trial dates have yet been set.

Klatten recently went public with the details, despite the unpleasant public consequences for her. A respected BMW board member, she is a trained economist with an M.B.A. who has ranked among Forbes' most powerful women in the past. She is also a member of the supervisory board of Altana, a chemicals company she controls and is now trying to take private in a US$1.2 billion deal. Yet she was duped by a man whose intentions were allegedly criminal from the outset.

Affairs always have the potential to damage people's reputations, not to mention their marriages. But for the rich and powerful like Klatten, the stakes are much higher--putting careers, companies and fortunes at risk.

One of the world's most eligible bachelors, Russian metals billionaire Mikhail Prokhorov, was detained in the French ski resort of Courchevel in January 2007 after police raided his hotel on suspicion of prostitution. Prokhorov, who said the women were models and his guests, was held for four days and released without being charged.

Time-share tycoon David Siegel, whose net worth briefly touched US$1 billion at the peak of the real estate market, was recently ordered to pay US$610,000 in damages to ex-employee Dawn Myers over battery charges. Myers sued Siegel, claiming constant advances and groping and alleging that Siegel offered her US$1 million for sex. He didn't apparently get any, but he could still have quite a bill to pay. Siegel is appealing the verdict.

Perhaps the most astonishing story of all involves Henry T. Nicholas, former chief executive of semiconductor firm Broadcom (nasdaq: BRCM). A colourful civil suit claimed Nicholas built a secret "sex cave" under his California home to host drug- and prostitution-fuelled parties.

A subsequent 2008 indictment from the U.S. District Court in Santa Ana, Calif., charges Nicholas with conspiracy to distribute cocaine, ecstasy and speed, and alleges that Nicholas had hired prostitutes for himself and clients and supplied the prostitutes with drugs. The trial begins in 2009.

Damn you, reality!!! Stop playing out my ideas!!! *shakes fist at the heavens*


Meanwhile, my life is like this.
(Thank you, Dangard Ace, aka Alex, for sending it along.)

When bad writing gets worse

The TRW sent along a link on an Amazon discussion board about some of the most overused and cliched phrases that typically appear in romance books.

Read the hilarity here.

As someone who comes across these phrases on a day-to-day basis, I have to say that they're at least a little more comforting and familiar than the ones that try to be fresh and unique. "He slid into her like a hot knife," or "when he came, it was like a gun going off inside her" or "she opened her mouth like a baby bird to receive him" are not phrases I ever want to see in romance. And yet, I have....

A few more classic lines for you that'll make you beg for "he slanted his mouth over hers" (if I've already posted these, forgive me, but they are worth repeating).:

YOU ARE FOREWARNED OF BAD TASTE AND GENERAL BADNESS:

"My goal is to blow you up and, baby, I’m about to make you explode all over the place."

If a guy said this to me, I'd be searching him for grenades.

"His words made every single cell in her body multiply with excitement."

Cancerific arousal!

"This was what you called total mouth concentration, the solicitation of participation and the promise of satisfaction."

"Have you ever heard of the emancipation proclamation?" "I don't listen to hip hop." --South Park

"If she were some kind of sexual grenade, he’d have been honor-bound to take her down, to blanket her with his body and prevent the explosion from maiming the other males in the vicinity."

Another great explosion metaphor. What really gets me about this line is the fact that the man is "honor-bound" to blow himself up on her explosive sexuality. I'd be honor-bound to RUN AWAY.

"She licked him like a lollipop, only his unique taste was strictly adult candy. He groaned and writhed beneath her feast."

Mmm, adult candy. Enjoy a Tax Lollipop, or Bag O' Mortgage Sugar today!

"He’d sprouted a hammer between his legs, iron hard and clamoring for her grip."

Wow, hardware sex. Now, if only I could write a plumbing fixture metaphor...no, wait, that's too easy... Something about a screwdriver...? Nah....

"Like a child with a new doll—a doll with an erection—she ran her fingers through his hair and trailed them down the side of his face and neck."

What the hell, Mattel? First Barbie and Ken break up, and now you're passing out Woody the Pedo Ranger?

"His huge manhood stood up as if he carried a policeman’s club between his legs."

Just the sexy image I want before being bedded: police brutality.