Wedding Post Mortem

Now that the photographer's abridged gallery is up, I am starting to recall some of the day now. Check it out here.

Here's a rundown of some of the stuff I remember:

• John and I stayed over at the Westin Harbour Castle hotel the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding. I had terrible heartburn the night before the wedding--it wasn't jitters, really. The concierge sent me up a glass of soda water served by a guy who looked and sounded exactly like Mr. Sulu from Star Trek (Takei, not Cho). I got Zantac to help me from Aunt Ellen. (Thanks Ellen! Sorry to wake you!)

• We woke up around 8 a.m. The hairstylist and makeup artist came at 8:30 and did my bridesmaids first while we ordered room service breakfast and watched TV. It was the first time in months that John and I had cable. John stuck around for much of the morning until just a little after Mike the photographer arrived.
  
  
• Mike managed to coax two kinds of smiles out of me: the big toothy smile, and the half-smile, or "Family Guy" smile. (We'd been watching an episode and it made me smirk.) So any picture you see with my lips pressed together, it's because I'm singing "My Black Son" to myself.
  
  
• I didn't know about the Stormtroopers. Fiona bought costumes and got two friends to wear them. They had them on in the taxi on the way over, and continued to wear them--helmet and all--after the ceremony, to the bar, while they walked along the Harbourfront, while relaxing on a restaurant patio, and at the reception. They enjoyed themselves immensely.
  
  
• Our officiant, Mary Jung Scott, told us she'd been practicing her Vulcan Live Long and Prosper hand sign. She couldn't quite make it there, but close enough. And considering everyone was laughing at the "By the Power of Grayskull", I wasn't sure anyone noticed. By the way, the complete last part of the ceremoney was supposed to go: "Therefore, by the authority vested in me by the Province of Ontario and the Marriage Act, and by the Power of Grayskull, it is my honour and delight to pronounce you legally married. Live long and prosper, May the Force be with you, so say we all."
  
  
• We lost the marriage certificate somewhere between the ceremony and the reception. The only proof I have of it is the pictures of me signing and holding it. It was last slipped into a big manila envelope. Has anyone seen it?
  
  
• We spent the next couple of hours taking shots along the lakeshore. The weather really couldn't have been nicer. Mike did a terrific job (on the photos, not on controlling the weather.)
  
  
• At the restaurant, Pearl Restaurant manager Jeffrey Mak greeted me with a plate of noodles. Waiters were on me every minute handing me drinks, taking my empties, giving me napkins, etc. Best. Service. Ever.
  
  
• I managed to eat about 2/3 of each plate of food--I soon discovered that my body had little room to expand within the confines of my dress. About halfway through the night, I Hulked Out and popped the clasp on my dress. It went flying off to parts unknown.
  
  
• Still can't find my WALL-E and EVE cake toppers anywhere. I'd like to think they upped and eloped while no one was looking. On the upside, the Rice Krispie cake was phenomenal and delicious, courtesy of Jenn Woo at Box of Sweets. It was a good thing we had the electric turkey cutter. It worked like a charm.
  
  
• My parents closed the store on my wedding day. I didn't know that until John and I were on our way to the honeymoon. Considering my parents only ever close on Christmas and New Year's, this gesture meant the world to me. Thanks, Mom and Dad, for absolutely everything. The wedding marked the first time I ever told them I loved them. Ever.
  
  
• We were the last to leave, along with most of John's friends, at around 12:45 a.m. I hear the after party went on until 6:00 a.m. John and I wisely retired to our hotel room.
  
  

By the numbers:

19: Number of tables.

174: Number of guests

35: Floor we stayed on at the Westin, just one below penthouse.

120: Bottles of wine made for the occasion.

9: Cases of beer left over at the end of the night.

$305: Price of my wedding gown, courtesy of Bridal Image in Mississauga.

$40: Price of my Chinese jacket, courtesy of Pacific Mall

$70: Price of my shoes, courtesy of Nine West Outlets.

$1: Price of my "pearl" necklace, courtesy of Dollarama.

The Happiest Blur of My Life

I think this photo pretty much sums up my wedding day.

No, I did not know they were coming. My sister and MC arranged to have these guys here. Suffice to say, we had a blast(er at our side).

Honeymoon was great. Relaxing. Slept +10 hours every day. Wish I could have stayed out there. It was so peaceful.

Thanks to everyone there for making it a fun and special time. When I've gathered my wits about me, I'm sure I'll be able to recall more details.

Altered States

As my inner ear problem continues sporadically, with days when I feel perfectly fine and days when I'm deaf in my right ear, I've occasionally followed doctor's orders to take a decongestant, which is supposed to help relieve the stuffed up feeling. So far, the only thing the medication has helped with is keeping my already sparkling-clean nasal passages clear (and running) and giving me a twitchy boost of anxious energy.

After a full day of feeling my heart race and trying hard not to jump up and go for a jog through my office, I found myself meandering around after work, hoping to work off some of this restlessness. In reality, I'm quite worn out due to some sleepless nights...probably because of the stupid drugs.

I just realized why I'm in such a miserably anxious state. Apparently, pseudoephedrine is used to produce meth.

Great. Just great. Unfortunately, Sudafed PE nearly made me puke, and I will not abide breaking my 24-year no barf streak.

So here I am, blogging, a plate of reheated homemade Mac and Cheese in front of me with some questionable kolbassa (I really need to stop eating rotting food), and the contents of my makeup drawers scattered over my desk.

That's right, I went from meth to makeup. Nice segue, huh?

Because the wedding is coming up, I'm shelling out to get a professional to do my face and hair because, let's face it, if I did it myself, I'd end up looking like a clown. Or Courtney Love.

We've never really been a makeup family: mom didn't teach me how to apply lipstick, and big sister wasn't much into face paint, either. What I have dabbled in has been almost exclusively in the lip department, with some moderate to hideous success. I'm sure some of my friends have questioned my preference for deep, blood-red lips against my pale, silver be-glittered skin. (Edward Cullen stole that look from me, the little bitch.)

Looking at the pile I've accumulated, two things strike me: 1) I really have no idea where most of this stuff came from, and 2) I think most of it is older than granite.

So, for your enjoyment, and because I'm hopped up on drugs (don't do drugs!), here's a catalogue of all the stuff I'm about to toss:

Lips

Red Earth lip gloss, wine red
I bought this in Hong Kong in 2000. It still smells like vanilla, but tastes like rubber. It was my fave for a while, but it never really went with anything I wore, for reasons I can't fathom.

Avon Brilliant Moisture lip colour, Moonstone 3014
I have no idea how this got into my drawer. Maybe I ordered it from a friend? It looks like a colour I might have chosen, but it smells like plasticine and has the consistency of it, too. I think it's probably about 10 years old. Maybe older? Who knows...

Lancome Paris Juicy Tubes Pop ultra shiny cooling lip gloss, frozen punch
I got this from a friend as a stocking stuffer for Christmas...oh, maybe 7 years ago? Giving it a test squeeze, the liquid came out clear--the colour and the chemical have apparently separated out. Eew.

Two Life brand sport lip balms, SPF 15
I bought these by mistake, thinking they were regular lip balms on sale. I used it for a whole day before looking in the mirror and realizing I had thick white goo slathered all over my lips. I looked like I'd been kissing a wedding cake. No wonder everyone was looking at me weird. Still, might be handy for the upcoming summer. Can't say I've ever experienced sunburnt lips. Don't really want to, either.

Avon lipstick, Apricot
I remember buying this sometime in high school. A friend of my sister's was an Avon lady. I just liked the tube because it's all hologramy and shiny. The colour makes me look like I have radioactive lips. It tastes like one of those old picture books you open up at the library and wonder whether a hobo has been reading them.

The Body Shop Colourings lipstick, 48 (White)
This came from my first makeover, when I turned 18 and my big sis took me out to lunch and then Yorkdale Mall. It went over another colour to make my matte lips look shiny. It's still kinda nice...but it's more than 12 years old now. I'm shocked it's not cheese yet. *toss*

The Body Shop Colourings lip liner, 01 (beech) and 07 (mahogany)
Ditto above. They were sold to me as versatile colours to be used on my lips and my eyes as liner. Thinking about it now, that doesn't seem very sanitary. Still, these pencils have served me quite well. But I wonder how many new life forms have sprouted on the tips?

Princess Marcella Borghese Lumina lipstick, Rusticana 38
Another mystery lipstick. I think it showed up a little more than 5 years ago. What kinda freaks me out about it, apart from the fact that I have no idea how it ended up in my hands, is that it also looks well-used. I don't have any recollection of ever using this lipstick, even though the way the tube looks neat.

Revlon Moisturestay Lipcolor, 21 (pink)
I might have bought this. Maybe even within the last 5 years. It looks brand spanking new, never used...but it's dried out like an old crayon. Moisturestay my ass.

Tinkerbell lip balm
I wrote about this before. I have to throw it out--the smell is making me nauseous.


Eyes

Stila Cosmetics Stila Look #2
This was a cute little set of eye shadows and lip colour given to me by John's stepmother maybe 8 or 9 years ago. I was never much for eye makeup, though I will soon be making that attempt--I'm a little tired of looking like a mole person with teeny tiny eyes against my big, white face.

The Body Shop Sparticles, 01 Supernova
Another purchase on my 18th birthday. I really like this stuff at the time because it's a tiny jar of little beads. They're fun to squish between your fingers. Not so easy to apply, though: I don't really have any brushes, so I just used my fingers. Not really convenient, either.

Red Earth eye shadow compact, PK001
A three-colour set from my Hong Kong trip in 2000. Pretty basic neutral earth tones. Still "usable," as far as I can tell.

Avon True Colour eye shadow, Purple Rose
The 80's are calling and they want their eye shadow back. All I can think as I look at this colour is, OH MY GOD, WHO WOULD HAVE BOUGHT THIS? Moreover, why would they leave it in my makeup drawer? It's really, REALLY dark purple. I mean, like a velvet jumpsuit made for Austin Powers purple. *toss*

Lancome Colour Focus, Silver Screen Exhibition
Another stocking stuffer, I think. And it's maybe 3 or 4 years old. Wore it at a wedding I went to last year. I applied it while in a moving car with my finger. I'm not sure that was the best idea. Also, the woman I was sitting beside at the wedding was a cosmetician: I think she was freaked out by the application. Or the colours. Or maybe it was just me in general. I'm going to go with door number 3.

Rimmel London Waterproof Volume Flash Instant Thickening Mascara, black
I don't know what possessed me to buy this. I remember I'd wanted to experiment with thicker lashes--mine are short, straight, and point downward. I poked myself in the eye on first application. That stuff really does thicken instantly. I was washing it off for hours afterwards. You know those freaky Japanese horror movies where spooky little kids bleed black tears? Yeah, that was me.

Faces Eye liner Pencil, charcoal 011
I bought this maybe in grade 8. The texture lives up to the colour name. Into the bin it goes!

Professionals eye liner, royal blue
Another mystery. It probably came in with the Purple Rose eye shadow. I have no idea how old it is. *toss*


Face

The Body Show Facial Blotting Tissues, Rose and White
This was all the rage in high school; absorbing oil, reducing shine and being all sanitary because you just had to throw out the rice paper wad afterwards instead of using a matted old pad. The problem was, and continues to be, that I am neither white- nor rose-coloured. The colour always stood out. I look like I'd been working with pastel-coloured drywall at some freakish construction site for Sephora City. Still, lots of fun to see all the oil on your face.

Club Monaco Cosmetics Wet Dry Makeup, Warm 2
No idea how this came to me. It's not even my colour. But it's brand-new...if +5 years old counts as brand-new.

Body

Quo Lust Dust, Mesmorize
This body glitter comes in it's own retractable brush. I got it back when the Eaton Centre still had a movie theatre. Apart from the awesome name, it just makes me happy. *keep*

Red Earth body makeup glitter, silver
I imagine Red Earth kidnapped a bunch of vampires and ground them down to make this stuff. It might be better used for an art project than as makeup. I wonder how much poisonous metal is in it?


Nails

Club Monaco nail colour, Froth
Subtle, pearly iridescent white was my thing back in high school. It was a lot easier to hide mistakes that way. Would you believe I hadn't ever thought of having someone else do my nails for me? *toss*

Cat-topped shiny white nail polish
This might have come from that Avon friend of my sister's. It reeks like a mofo. *gag toss gag*

Le Chateau nail polish, sparkly electric blue
I bought this for $2. I mostly used it to touch up the chips on my electric guitar.

GAP Colour nail polish, dark red...?
A tiny bottle, a nice colour...I'll leave this out at work for someone to take home...and possibly get poisoned. (Must be at least 9 years old.)

Wet 'n' Wild nail color, 441B Sahara, and 412 Burgundy Frost
Another giveaway. I think I bought these to go with a dress I was wearing for a wedding.

Revlon nail enamel, 721 Raven Red
A gift from a friend. And since when were ravens red? *keep*

Well, there you have it. I've reduced my makeup collection to a mere quarter of its original size. And I seem to have stultified my restlessness into silence. Now all I have to do is figure out how to actually, you know, put makeup on.

Sephora, I'm looking at you to gimme some freebies here...

Getting Medieval on my ass...

The bachelorette was yesterday. Fun times!


No, there were no strippers, no copious amounts of booze or titillating games of "I Never." Instead, my ladies took me to Body Blitz Spa, where I was soaked, steamed and massaged into a stupor, and then I was marched along Queen Street where I was forced to collect signatures of random people, and then...off to Medieval Times!



I'd never been to the dinner and tournament, but it had occurred to me earlier that it would make the perfect venue for a party. I mean, who doesn't like jousting and roast chicken and hot guys on horses, waving their swords around? I'll take that over a strip club any day!

Lucky for me the girls knew me so well and had planned out the night with chivalry and debauchery in mind together.

I don't know what it is: There's just something about a knight in shining armor riding a horse and calling you "my lady" that gets my chastity belt in a twist. Of course, it probably helped that my girls had me dressed up in a full princess costume with a wedding veil...and any number of bachelorettish anachronisms, like the flashing button that says "Kiss the Bride to Be." Can't pass up any chance at humiliation, of course.


On that note, I was made a lady of the realm (knighted) and was forced to hand out a medal to the hottest guy in the building at the end of the event. It turned out to be the green knight, champion for our section, bad guy of the realm, but best damned knight out there. He seemed to accept the accolade with good cheer despite obvious exhaustion. It might have gone to Ken the barkeep, who m'ladied the pants off my sister, but then we heard him speak without the affected English accent and then that all went away.



The food was fine for what it was--tomato bisque and garlic bread, half a roast chicken, a rib, a baked potato skin, an apple pie-ish dessert, and coffee/tea and Pepsi. I had terrible heartburn later that night, and the lack of anything green really did make it a kind of oggy meal. But you'll eat anything when you're being entertained with violence and horses.

As a spectacle, Medieval Times was a terrific venue for anyone willing to accept it with a fine helping of salt and good cheer. Truly, it was a craptacularly romantic time.

Thank you, ladies, for fulfilling my medieval fantasy!

Said Yes to the Dress

Thanks to my two awesome bridesmaids, I got my dress yesterday.

No peeking till the wedding day, John.

Dressed to...well, not thrill....

Went shopping on Sunday with my two lovely bridesmaids. Having no idea what I wanted, I left them to make the decisions for me.

My only real requests: under $200, and no ginormous train or hoop skirt. I don't want people to be helping me pee. I go often.

After some rooting around Kensington Market (which, sadly, produced nothing of interest) we headed for the bridal strip on Spadina around Queen. After trying several dresses on, the basic style has been narrowed down:

Taffeta (crunchy!); off-white (white-white looks freakish); with rouching around the midriff (to hide my lumpy belly).

So, yay! Now I can go outlet shopping and actually do some real looking!

Wedding plans, part one of....oh dear lord, this is going to become a wedding blog, isn't it?

The venues are booked. The date is set.

Thundercats are go!

With just under a year to plan everything, I'm discovering that, no matter how simple I want things to be, when it comes to family, things are complicated.

The parents insist they will financially cover whatever is needed, but it also means that I have to invite all these people who I wouldn't have otherwise put on the list. Apparently, I can't not invite them. GOTTA GIVE FACE!

Fine, more people means more gifts. Whatever.

But then there are the things that they're insisting on because "I should have a good wedding" and "I don't want to look cheap"...like flowers (I was just going to go get some plastic things from the dollar store!) and cake (McCain's, anyone?) and centerpieces (we were going to gather our crap together and just leave holey socks and bad books for people to fight over).

News flash: this is one day. I have no money considering John and I need to find a place to live. And, hello? I AM CHEAP.

Speaking of crap...we started our registry at the Bay, and OH MY GOD, it was terrifyingly complicated. We thought we'd just waltz in and sign up and get a scanner and go nuts.

No, no, no, the main store at Queen and Yonge sends you to the fifth floor where you have to make and appointment in this fancy lounge area to set up your registry. A woman in a sharp suit accosts you with bottled water, sits you down in designer chairs and interrogates you for 30 minutes about you home, your lifestyle, what you own, what you need to replace. And then she tries to push a whole new lifestyle as a married couple upon you. One in which you apparently entertain a group of 12 on a regular basis and break out the fine $85+/4 pc. set of fine china.

Hell, when more than 8 people come over, I break out the Royal Chinet. Nothing but the best paper plates when you have no dishwasher.

A sample of the typical line of questioning:

Mei (she was very nice, but really intense): How many sets of bedsheets do you own?
Us: Uh...two?
Mei: THAT'S NOT ENOUGH!
Us: ACK!
Mei: You should have at least THREE! You have guests over, you have one dirty set, you have one more, what will they sleep on? Too much trouble to clean the other set, and you're busy. NO, you must have THREE, AT LEAST!
Us: But...we only have one bed....

And more questions:

Mei: How many rooms in your house?
Us (despondently): We don't have a house.
Mei: Apartment? Condo?
Us: *sad hangdog puppy eyes*
Mei: (frowns in disapproval)

Mei: How many showers are you going to have?
John: Er...one a day?
Mei: I mean wedding showers or engagement parties.
Us: None.
Mei (frowns): Huh. You're keeping it simple then.
Us (a little sheepishly): Uh...yeah...

Here's the thing: John and I have tried to live frugally and without waste; plus we don't know what our living situation will be in a year's time, exactly, so space is always going to be an issue. This whole concept of getting stuff--and whatever we want, at that--was really foreign (but novel) to us. Chinese tradition is simply to give red pockets full of money. So the idea that someone would actually buy me new towels (the one major thing I look forward to) blew my frickin' mind.

In the end, that first day, all we put on were a new set of dishes (enough for eight people--are you happy, now, Mei?) since everything we own has been passed down to us and doesn't really match; and a stainless steel 4-slice toaster (because John really, really wanted it). I'm sure we'll go back for more, once we actually know what we need.

For now, I really look forward to new towels. In fact, they would not go amiss if I got them for my birthday....

Archie picks Veronica????

You stupid moron!

I mean, really, decades of rich snob versus wholesome girl-next-door, and you picked the snob whose father hates you?

This is going to end so well....

Unless, of course, they hook up, and he divorces her after a year, taking half her assets, and then runs away with Betty.

(Better sign a really good prenup, Ronnie.)

It begins....

Today, John and I went to view our first possible wedding venue, the Enoch Turner Schoolhouse. It was nice enough, though both of us are kind of shrugging our shoulders, wondering what we're supposed to want when all we really want is to be happy and married. You know, that thing we're supposed to be on our wedding day.

As the manager there put it, "How are you supposed to know? How often does anyone get married?"

We've done some preliminary talking and budgeting, and I even bought the Real Simple Weddings 2009 magazine, even though I promised myself years ago I'd never buy a wedding magazine. *growl*. Oddly enough, I find myself striking out all kinds of things in the mag that really aren't that simply. I mean, who really needs centerpieces or bonbonniers or place cards or flowers or bridesmaids or invitations or...

Yeah, maybe we should just elope....

Good Intentions FAIL

Me: *looking in mirror, poking my belly, thinking* I should probably step up my workout and start dieting. I've got a whole bloody year to slim down so I look fabulous for the wedding...

(Later, at dinnertime...)

Me: Ooh, beer! Spaghetti! NOM NOM NOM!!!!

The best part of this story, as John will confirm, is that I almost never drink beer, and certainly not at home, alone, while eating dinner.

No, I'm not pregnant.

Maybe I should try the Kichadi diet...